Yesterday, I
witnessed a real miracle. It wasn’t the Song of Bernadette kind but it was
right up there. I’m still feeling the effects of it as I write. I’m on my last
day At NTI for the American Association of Critical Care Nurses.
Critical
Care nurses are the closest thing we have to angels walking among us. Critical
care nurses are there when a person dies and present when a critical patient
miraculously pulls through. They know more than they reveal and have seen more
than even they can believe.
Yesterday,
in a session I led on Becoming the Highest Version of Yourself,
we learned, laughed and then shared painful stories. I believe that when a
painful story is told out loud, it sets someone free; usually the listener but
always the teller.
We all
paired up and shared or listened to another to get the lesson we needed.
Afterwards, I asked if anyone wanted to share with the entire group. (Don’t try
this on your own boys and girls.)
A beautiful woman
shared a story that she had never told. The woman was in charge of her
department and capable of being professional and caring of others; but for
years, she hadn’t been able to forgive herself.
She had held
on to her pain for more than 20 years. Boldly and lovingly, she shared with the
hundreds of nurses gathered there. When she shared, the room was silent and in
tears. When I asked for the lessons that could be learned people immediately began
to shout out what they themselves needed to be reminded of.
To take care of themselves; to love,
to put their families before work, to let go of guilt, to hold no blame, to see
our own angels, to cry, to hug, to let go and to heal.
Afterwards, no less than 10 people
shared with me that her story was their story too.
This is the miracle; that we are
never alone in our pain; and that when we share and release our pain, we enable
others to be free as well.
As I was
walking back to my room, a man ran up to tell me that he was at the conference
with his wife and that she told him he needed to come to the session. He said he
had to leave a little early because he was about to break out in one of those
ugly cries, but he wanted me to know that he had been set free.
Miracles
happen every day. Sometimes they are physical, but sometimes they happen at the
soul level. When you release and get well, you can become the catalyst to help set
others free.
Be you, be well, Be the
miracle.
Bertice Berry, PhD.
Thank you, Bertice. Attending your class yesterday was one of the most memorable moments of my life. When we were sharing our stories, I was amazed that the young lady sitting next to me is going through the same struggles with family life as me. She was a little embarrassed to share it because compared to everyone else's, hers she said "didn't seem like a big deal". Well, it was a VERY BIG DEAL to me. It gave me clarity and I am free. She's an angel sent to me and you made that happen. Thank you! You have no idea.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Bertice. Attending your class yesterday was one o the most memorable moments of my life. When we were sharing our stories, I was amazed that the young lady sitting next to me was going through the family life struggles I'm having. She was embarrassed to share it at first because she said compared to what we have already heard, hers "didn't seem like a big deal". Well, it is a VERY BIG DEAL to me. It gave me clarity and I am free. She's my angel and you made that happen. Thank you! You have no idea.
ReplyDeleteThe best three hours I have spent in many years. I spoke to you after the class and revealed that my vessel is nearly empty when I arrive at NTI and the stories and collegiality fill me back up and help me continue on for another year. When we did the exercise, I didn't think I had much of a story. The best I could come up with were two instances where I was personally thanked by patients for saving their lives. Incredible looking back, but after 28 years at the bedside I should have had something "better" or more "substantial." Today I ran into two of my colleagues from home and we made plans to have dinner this evening. Over dinner many subjects were discussed: work (of course), old times and friends, and how we all especially enjoyed NTI this year. I told how incredible your class was, and the stories and how they made all of us cry for ourselves and for one another. One of my friends reminded me of the worst day I have ever had as a nurse. December 1, 1997 I was awakened by a call from a coworker informing me that I might be needed to help as there had been a shooting at one of our county high schools. Heath High School in Paducah Kentucky. This was the school my 20 year old son had attended. I showered, dressed, and left for work. By the end of the day, eight students attending a prayer group had been shot, three were dead, one was paralyzed, and two more were on ventilators.This was the largest number of victims of any school shooting to date. The Columbine massacre occurred over a year later. For any community, this event would have been tragic. But for a town of 30,000 to sustain such a loss was unbelievable. Most people knew someone who was injured or killed and the shock and grief was immense. One of the dead, Kayce Steger, was the daughter of a friend and colleague, a nurse who had finished her shift on midnights only an hour before. But many people also knew the perpetrator's family.
ReplyDeleteThe shooter, Michael Carneal, was apprehended on the scene, surrendering to the principal. He is the son of a prominent attorney in our community. As the story progressed, it turned out that he had been the victim of bullying and tormented by others for their perception that he was gay. He had been called "queer" and "faggot" and, in a small school like Heath, anonymity was impossible. In addition to taunting from his peers, Michael also was, apparently, the victim of Institutional bullying also. In the school newspaper, overseen by a teacher, his initials had been paired with another boy's, indicating that they were an "item". I can't imagine the stress and feelings of isolation which caused Michael to strike out indiscriminately in such a fashion. Although I don't condone his methods, in many ways I understand them. The mind of a fourteen year old is impetuous and rationale is seldom a part of their thought processes.
Michael remains in prison in Kentucky and will be eligible for parole in 2023 after serving twenty five years of his life sentence. There are many in our community who, because of their own feelings of hurt and anger, feel Michael should never receive parole. The current societal awareness of bullying is highly commendable, but it's long overdue. It's too late for Kayce Steger, Jessica James, and Nicole Hadley. And for Missy Jenkins, left a paraplegic from the shooting Many in Paducah would say that we lost three children on that day in 1997. But as the parent of a well-adjusted 35 year old gay man, I feel that we lost four children, as we also lost Michael Carneal.
WOW. Thank you for sharing this amazing story and for sharing your light with me. Much peace and Purpose
DeleteI also had the honor of attending your lecture at NTI. This was my first experience at the conference and you have truly made a lasting impression on me. I feel compelled to share a story of a lesson my own sister taught me. Two weeks after she became engaged she was hit head-on in a car accident. She did survive with multiple injuries to the bones in her legs, ankles, and feet. In my anger I wanted to inflict the same amount of physical pain to the other girl who recklessly caused the accident. With an approaching wedding I kept asking God why did she have to carry this burden. With more wisdom then any 27 year-old I have ever encountered my sister never said a negative word toward the other girl. She simply said, “If there is not a lesson in this for me, maybe there is a lesson in this for her.” I was immediately humbled. The focus of my entire family shifted from anger to healing. I am happy to say that after four months my sister was able to stand. And on her wedding day my sister walked down the aisle and shared a dance with my father. Thank you for allowing me to reflect on my experiences. With nursing I feel like I give until I have nothing left. Your class was the missing piece that put everything into perspective for me. Now I know that I was looking outside for something I already possess. This lesson is changing my life. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am humbled by this story and by the lives of Critical Care Nurses, you all amaze and inspire me to be better. Thank you
DeleteThanks for a great NTI. Saw this headline today. Hope this new finding brings relief! From Lancet:
ReplyDeletehttp://news.yahoo.com/therapy-helps-tinnitus-sufferers-230913951.html
Thanks so much. What's amazing is that the work with military who suffer from tinnitus is what's bringing so much relief. Thanks again
DeleteI have a loaner device that I have been using until mine gets here. It sure did give me some relief at NTI. I couldn't wear it on stage; but that just gives me a tiny idea of what it's like to try to be a critical care nurse and have a life at the same time. Thanks again
DeleteI attended my first NTI this year & as I flipped through the pages of the schedule book I found your session. I immediately felt a draw to your energy & feeling rather low lately I thought this would be a positive class for me. Originally 4 of us planned on coming but as the week progressed everyone but me bailed out for different reasons. As I sat there I felt this elated feeling & felt like you lifted my spirits!! I left & told the person who did most of the NTI experience with me that I was so glad I attended & I wanted to say THANK YOU!!! And I wanted to tell you critical care nurses love & appreciate you!!
ReplyDeleteTHank you for feeling the connection and making it. I hope you all know that I love you deeply and mean it when I say that you heal ME.
DeleteOne of my favorite parts of NTI is you as the MC. I was so incredibly touched by your words and song during the supersessions so imagine my excitement when I learned that you were giving a session during the week. I had no idea what I was in for! As nurses it is our personality to believe we can do it all and carry burdens that just weigh us down. I connected on such a spiritual and emotional level and not realizing how much pain I have carried for so long. Thank you for this session and sharing your stories and wisdom. I pray you find relief for your tinnitus!
ReplyDeletePS. I am the nurse that you saw in the airport that sang "Here I am to save the day!" :D
Peace Kelly, Thanks for reaching back around to inspire me. I am still flying from the power and inspiration of NTI. I look forward to seeing you all again. Even in the airport. Peace
DeleteDear Bertice,
ReplyDeleteI was not able to attend your lecture, although I definitely would have loved to. I was able to attend another lecture on ethics in the ICU, and thankfully it was there that I was able to experience the healing of which you speak. I have unfortunately experienced numerous situations which things were missed, mishandled, or during which I did not have the knowledge or in many cases the guts to stand up and speak out against choices that were made or actions that were or were not taken for fear of retribution or damage to relationships with other healthcare professionals that might result in difficulties obtaining good care for my patients in the future. Unfortuantely, I have suffered SEVERE moral distress as a result of these situations. Other situations were simply those that hurt my heart because I related to the families and felt powerless that I could do nothing to change the circumstances of their tragedies. I have been a nurse five years (five of the most difficult but rewarding years of my life) and it has only been THIS YEAR that God has allowed me to break down and begin the healing process from all the stuffering that I have seen and experienced. I was able to share one of the particularly heart breaking stories with another nurse sitting behind me in the ethics class who had a similar story herself. It is amazing how much God promotes healing through allowing stories to be told and heard by other critical care nurses who understand and can relate to them. Many critical care nurses are merely upset over tragic situations, but it is rare that you hear about the ones where the nurse feels he or she could have done something better or differently. So often I have felt that i am alone in my feelings and that I cannot share them with others out of guilt. But it was through NTI that God allowed me to see that I am not alone, and that others share my experiences and my pain. It is only through releasing that pain and anger that God can use me for good to promote the type of practices that He wants to see in healthcare systems, even when it is the difficult thing to do. Thank you for understanding and appreicating our work and for helping us release these important feelings from our thick outer shell. I was with you there in spirit.