The Art of Living Week 19: Give It Up and Keep Living

What Would Your Give?

If you were told that you would die in a few days if you didn’t give up something, what would you do?

Would you give that thing up or would you say, “I’m done?”

Well, I know that this seems like hypothetical question but in reality, it is not.

The truth is big things don’t snatch away our lives and its fullness; the little things do. More accurately, it’s the lack thereof.

So today, ask yourself this “What are my little things?”

             Going to bed late

Not resting when you need to

Burning your candle at both ends

           Not drinking water

Not exercising (6 weeks of Insanity does NOT count)

Not getting hugs

Not saying “I love you” at the end of your calls

Not getting at least 10 minutes of fresh air everyday (driving with the windows down does not count.)

Not giving and getting love

Not laughing

Not eating grains, vegetables, proteins, vitamins

Not seeing the doctor and or naturopath

Not getting massage

Not stretching

Not sharing what you know

Not learning new things daily

Not having a real bath regularly

Not being in nature

Not being at peace

If you are not doing these things you are not taking care of yourself. This list could be longer but then I would not be able to go pee. (Yeah, add that to the list.)

Be you, be well, be living

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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Purina A Dare and Me

The Art of Living Week 18

Purina, A Dare and Me

I live with my eyes wide open, expecting the unexpected, knowing that around every corner is the  possibility of a lifetime, but nothing could have prepared me for the opportunity that I came crashing into on Monday.

I was in Saint Louis preparing to speak for the Women’s Leadership Forum for Nestle Purina. I had already learned that the company was founded with the purpose of improving the lives of pets and the people who love them.

I had a feeling going into the event that the women there would be very special, because their call and purpose was special, but I had no idea of the impact that this visit would have on my life.

When I checked into my room, I was greeted with a goodie bag filled with bottled water, protein bars and a book.

I assumed the book was about animals or animal rescue so I decided to rest my brain for a while and look at the book later.

Somehow, the book kept calling. So I opened it and a small slip of paper fell out. It was a note from the Women’s Leadership Forum welcoming me to Saint Louis and to Purina. That sweet little note compelled me to read a few pages. I started and didn’t stop.

I Dare You, was written by William Danforth, the founder of the Purina company. He was born in 1870 and lived until 1956.

As a boy, Mr. Danforth was sickly, but a teacher dared him to be the strongest boy in the class and he took up the dare and accomplished the goal of health.

While reading, I learned that the Purina checker board represents the building blocks of Danforth’s philosophy, one that will now be mine. Life, Danforth teaches is made up of four sides, the physical, mental, spiritual and social. These sides are balanced; one does not diminish the other. The real value of life is not in having, but in sharing what you have become.

I could go on, but I want you to find a copy and apply it to your own life.  I will tell you this; when I was in the airport on my way back home, a man saw me re-reading the book. He walked over and smiled and said,” I thought that was my old friend.” The man had a winning smile and an amazing personality. He said that he’d read the book back in the 70’s and that it had changed his life.

He told me that he traveled all over the country lecturing and doing training for an engineering company; the principles were way beyond my comprehension, but I smiled and tried to keep up.

The man told me that he would not have been able to do any of this if it had not been for the book I Dare You. “I didn’t use a computer until I was 55,” he told me. “I keep learning and just don’t stop.”

 The man was talking, but I was trying to figure out what he was saying. If he had been 55 when he started using a computer what was he now, I wondered.

“You look no more than 56,” I said. He told me that he was 70. I looked at his round firm biceps and straight back. I had seen his agile movements and the way he glided over to me. His face was smooth and his smile bright.

“There is no way that you are 70,” I said in amazement. He smiled and again said the book changed his life and way of living.

Okay, so here’s the thing. I went to talk to women in leadership at the place that makes my dogs very happy and I walked away forever changed.

Find the book and get it. You will be so glad you did.

Be you, be well, I dare you.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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The Art of Living Week 18: Pace Yourself

Pace Yourself

Last week, I met a woman who told me that she was just tired. I asked her to elaborate and she began to weep. She said she was tired at work and tired at home. She was just tired.

I knew and understood what she meant. My mother used to call it, “being sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

I felt for this woman, but I had to tell her the truth; her choices were making her tired but she could choose something else.

Life is hard, but it can be hard good or hard bad---pick good.

When I clean for an hour, I am exhausted. When I dance for an hour I am exhausted and exhilarated, so I dance while I clean.

My mother died at the young age of 87. No one ever guessed her age, not even when she was extremely ill. She always looked refreshed and renewed.

“That’s cause I know when to rest,” she would say.

People think that getting old gracefully is all about the genes, but I think it’s about the pace with which we live. If you are alive, then you are aging. Learn to pace yourself.

Yesterday, I got up early and got ready to work. I was tired and wanted to rest, but I pushed myself to fill my day off with the things I wanted and needed to complete.

I could hear my mother admonishing me about burning my candle on both ends. I could hear her saying that even iron wares out, and I could she her dancing.

Whenever we had a party, my mother would dance with every person there. She dance up to someone and with fingers popping, she’d ask, “You want some of this?”

Everyone marveled at her ability to dance all night, but I knew her secret; she had prepared all week for this one day of dancing and she paced herself through the dance.

My mother made it look like she was tearing up the floor, but in truth she was barely moving.

She knew how to pace her dance because she had learned to pace her life.

Yesterday, while I was scolding myself for being lazy, I recalled the fact that I had been working since I was 12.

I remembered the woman who cried out loud because she was tired and I recalled my advice to her, and I chose a path of rest.

Today, I am up and ready to work, but my work will be much better because of the rest.

If there were more than 24 hours in a day, many of us would kill ourselves. We don’t need more time, we need to learn to use the time we have more wisely.

Pace yourself and you will go much further.

Be you, be well, be wise.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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The Art of Living Week 17: Stay in Your Lane

Stay in Your Lane

I was just a girl when I met Mother Moore, but she was already ancient. Mother Moore was my godmother’s mother and she was real deep.

Mother Moore rarely spoke, but when she did, everyone stopped whatever they were doing to hear the words they would all head.

“Mother Moore is special,” I was told. “She hears from God and when she tells you something, you better be listening.”

I kept waiting for Mother Moore to “speak into my life,” as it was called but it seemed like forever.

She would sit for hours with her eyes closed but I knew she was not asleep. Sometimes she’d just stare into space and then she’d turn and look at you. The truth is, Mother Moore was kind of spooky so I was hoping she never told me anything.

Mother Moore was a big woman and when she finally spoke to me, I knew why everyone listened. He voice vibrated and you could actually feel her words.

She looked deep into my eyes and spoke the words that always come back to me guiding my every decision: “Stay on the side of right,” she said.

I expected her to say something more, but that was it. She closed her eyes and went back to wherever it was that she went.

“Stay on the side of right,” didn’t mean much to me as a kid. I was hoping for something like, “You will be great one day,” or at least “Get out of Wilmington,” but I got “stay on the side of right.”

I can’t begin to tell you how frequently those words ring in my ears. They have been a constant reminder that even when I want to do what seems good I need to go a step further and stay on the side of right.

The area of “right” may not seem clear to you at first, but throughout my years, I have learned that the side of right comes with a neon sign.

So here’s my Mother Moore message to you; when others are doing whatever they please and seem to be getting away with it, you stay on the side of right.

When you feel like you want to haul off and slap someone because they are due; stay on the side of right.

When you feel the need to quit and throw in the towel on something that requires your love and dedication; stick to it and stay on the side of right.

When you don’t know where to go or what to do next; stay on the side of right.

Be you, be well, be true.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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The Art of Living Week 16: Don't Miss Your Date With Destiny

Don’t Miss Your Date With Destiny

I believe that when you walk with Purpose, you collide with Destiny. In other words when you live your day-to-day life with purpose and mission as your guide, you will inevitably reach your destination.

While Purpose is the individual drive, Destiny is for the good of the collective.

Here’s the thing, we often step out of line and away from our own dreams just when they are about to manifest. When we do, we miss our date with our own destiny.

I will admit that it is often difficult to stay on the course when others appear to be having the time of their life, doing whatever they please.

When I was much younger, I often cried about my internal drive to “do the right thing” no matter what. I secretly wished that I could be like my peers; floating whichever way the wind took them. Still, my compass kept pointing me to my North and, try as I might, I could not go in any other direction.

My friends would tease me, calling me “The Square,” or Miss Goody Two Shoes. They would laugh at me saying that I was more saved than Jesus and then when no one was looking, they would ask me to pray for them.

I never saw myself as holy, or square. I actually felt like I was the one who was free to roam and do whatever I wanted, simply because I did what I needed to first.

After class and the library, I would play pool until late evening, but at 3:00am, I’d be back up studying. I had the liberty to do what I wanted because I did what I needed.

What is your raison de’etre; your reason for existence. Just as William Wilberforce chose to dedicate his life to the abolition slavery in England, you get to choose. What is your reason? What are you here for?

Are you doing what you can on a daily basis to achieve your life-long goals?

When opportunities arise for you to achieve your dream, do you complain and walk away or are you prepared?

When we fail to do what we have decided to do, we can miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime.

Don’t miss your date with destiny. Stay on your path of Purpose.

Be you, be well, be ready,

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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In Times Like These

In Times Like These

Listen up people and listen good; things are crazy right now on a personal and global scale;

 DO NOT GROW WEARY IN DOING WELL.

At times like this, there is a tendency and an urge to become angry, fearful and to want revenge. Instead you must raise your vibration.

Raise it so high that you attract the goodness and kindness you want to see in the world.

When things around you get crazy you can either respond in more craziness or respond in love. Find a way to help someone in need; include yourself in the equation.

Take a moment to send loving energy to those who are in harm’s way. Send these thoughts around the globe.

When the problem is closer to home surround yourself with the people who love you. Build up the relationships you have neglected while carrying for those who are neglectful of you.

Be you, be well, be the change we need to see.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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Week 15 The Art of Living: Are You Making Life Harder

Are You Making Life Harder?

"Stop borrowing trouble; the day has enough of it's own."~My Mama

A wise young woman once observed that life is already hard, but we often make it harder than it needs to be.

In the past few weeks, I have watched friends and loved ones deal with illness and death. I have witnessed their courage and integrity during a time of grief and loss. They have bared their pain with the dignity that comes with a life well-lived.

In contrast, I have also witnessed the suffering of those who didn’t need to. For some reason, these folks decided that they needed to create some drama so that they could have a starring role.

You might ask, who am I to judge? But I’d have to tell you that I am just making an observation (the privilege of being a sociologist.)

You don’t have to be a sociologist to know that we have a choice. Life is hard; even when it’s good, it requires hard work. When it’s tough, it also requires hard work; so choose hard-good.

When we groan and complain, wallow in pity and refuse to grow up, we are causing ourselves and those around us, more suffering than is necessary.

Before you complain about life or decide to destroy the progress you have made, ask yourself the following:

·         Will my complaining change anything?

 

·         Will it make me stronger?

 

·         Do I always feel the way I am feeling right now? (If not, shut up and wait until the feeling passes and make your point then.)

·         What I think about someone else has more to do with me than it does them. Before making bold proclamations about a job or relationship, ask yourself: “Is it me?”

·         Am I making more work for myself?

·         If you are in a situation that is toxic, why are you still there?

My life is hard, but it is also wonderful. Every week I have to fly to completely new places and meet completely new people. Some weeks I’m in a different bed every night and I often find myself in uncomfortable situations. I stand in long lines and then sit and wait; sometimes for hours on end.

When a flight is late or canceled, I sit and wait some more. I am often lost, confused, disoriented and tired, but here is the truth: I love my life and work.

Whether I am sick, tired or sick and tired, I feel that I am one of the fortunate; because I have learned a wonderful secret; Life is hard any how; so let life be good.

Be you, be well, choose good.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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