|Turn It Off|
Dealing with The Difficults
We all know and occasionally encounter those folks who are---how can I put this kindly; DIFFICULT.
You know the folks who disagree with everything just because they don’t want to be agreeable.
It seems like I’ve been seeing more and more of them lately, but that could just be me. Back in the day, when I was writing a dissertation on stratification; I could see stratification everywhere. When a friend noticed that I needed a break and decided to take me to an art gallery, he pointed to an abstract painting and asked me how I interpreted it. I told him that it clearly represented the battle between the haves and the have-nots. I pointed to a place in the corner of the painting where I could see the battle forming.
My friend laughed and pointed to the title plate that he’d been standing in front of. “Donuts, it’s called donuts.” He said.
I’ve been writing a novel about energy thieves, so maybe that’s why the Difficults seem to be everywhere.
Yesterday, as I was boarding a flight, a man ran up pushing me aside so he could board before me. When he realized that I was also boarding with the first class group; a “benefit” that comes from traveling so much, he turned and sternly asked if I wanted to go first.
I smiled and did a half curtsey and said “No, please after you.” He didn’t get my drift and went right on; pushing his way past a man in a wheelchair. As I began to put my things in the overhead compartment, the man pushed me aside to put his bags there first. He was sitting across from me and at first, was storing his bags in the compartment above him, but then decided that he preferred the bin I was using. Again, I stepped aside and allowed him to put his bags in first.
As I did, another man walked up and stared the man down; literally. The guy backed away and the other man put my bags in the overhead for me. I thanked him profusely and he said it was his pleasure.
Then out of some place magical, the rude man looked over to me and gave me a nod and smile.
I accepted the nonverbal whatever-it was and fell asleep on the short flight. As we were leaving the plane, the rude man jumped up, pushed me aside again and gathered his belongings.
Now, I’ve had this same exchange many times before, but this one felt totally different and that’s because I handled it differently.
I didn’t get angry or try to establish my space. I didn’t push back or mentally call the guy a name.
I simply relinquished the energy he was trying to take. I had plenty. I had had an amazing weekend and my heart and head were soaring. I was relaxed and even after a migraine morning, I felt renewed.
Rude Difficults are everywhere. Dealing with them is ---well, difficult. Here are a few tips.
· Make sure it’s not you.
· Smile and breathe.
· Step aside and recognize that what a Difficult tries to take can never be owned (space and air.)
· Yield enough joy so they feel stunned by it.
· Shine your light.
I know, I went on a little longer, but I have my power cord back and I feel---POWERFUL.
Be you, be well, Be Easy Like Sunday Morning.
Bertice Berry, PhD.