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From Self Defense to Bullying
We all have
felt the need to protect ourselves. At the core of our being is the need to
protect ourselves and our children, so
when a person has been overly criticized, they will become critical.
If a person has been ostracized they will
burrow into their own hole and reject others before they themselves can feel
rejected. Sometimes, the person will be proactive and before anyone can ever
say or do anything towards them, they become the bully.
We all know
or have worked with someone who is constantly on the defense. Before you can say
anything about their work, they point out the wrong that has been done to them
and they become the victim. There are also those who really do believe that
someone has not only moved their cheese, but will take all future cheese as
well. When this happens, the person seeks to protect not only their life, they
want to protect their stuff too and the wall of defense becomes even
greater.
The impact
of a bully, even if they are passive aggressive is tremendous, so the question becomes,
what do you do? You cannot respond in kind --- well, you could but that would
make you a bully too.
Toni Morrison
once said that the “Task of the oppressed is to teach the oppressor.” I read
this and though task? It’s slavery. As I thought about it longer I realized
that those who feel offended must teach the offender because we certainly don’t
want them teaching our lessons or history for us. When our story is told we
must tell it and we must teach those who have gotten the story wrong.
When working and living with the
criticizing, overbearing personality practice the following:
·
Ask
yourself if it’s you
·
Raise
your vibration—send energy and love
·
Stay
in your lane---do your job and do it with excellence
·
Speak
for yourself---don’t let your bully tell your story for you
·
Use
the force of the bully for your own strength (it’s a tai chi thing)
A person who is always on the defense always feels that someone is out to
destroy them. Make sure they know that it isn’t you.
Be you, Be well, Be kind
Bertice Berry, PhD.
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