On Children
Raise your
hand if you have ever had a son or daughter in trouble. If you have not raised
it you either don’t have children, have children who are really young, or they
just haven’t told you yet.
Just as we
got on our parents nerves, our children will get on ours. The degree and level
of trouble or concern may vary but at some point in time, it’s coming.
There is a
tendency though for all of us to feel guilty and responsible for the troubles
of our children. I have carried pain and guilt as well. There are times when I
have allowed others to make me feel even worse. I’ll confide in someone with a
worry or concern about my children and they will follow up with a story about
the greatness of someone else’s child.
We are
judged for our children’s behavior and rightfully so, but only up to a point.
If you are wise enough to understand that your mother didn’t make you do the
things you’ve done, then be wise enough to see that you didn’t make your
children do their things either.
The best
advice I’ve ever gotten about guilt and children comes from the Lebanese-American
poet, Kahlil Gibran who happens to be the third best-selling poet of all time
(you can look up the other two.)
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday On Children
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday On Children
We must love them fiercely even if it is from a distance. For when
they are old, they will not depart from what we have taught.
Before you all get to sending me notes, asking about my kids, they
are fine; but I have my hand ready to be raised with everyone else’s.
Let
go of the extreme guilt, worry and fixation you have about your children because
while you can strive to be like them, you cannot make them just like you.
Be
you, be well, be an amazing parent.
Bertice
Berry, PhD.
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