Alright boys and girls, today’s lesson is not for the novice reader. If you are just joining us, you may want to start with another post before jumping into unresolved issues. Today’s work will be on the difficult side, but as you have already come to see, it will be rewarding beyond measure.
Yesterday, I told you about the hearing loss I’m dealing with; well today I will tell you the why.
Dr. Cobb explained that this loss is most likely due to a loud noise that I had been exposed to in the past. He began to list things; “Loud music, a gunshot.” I was still in a bit of shock about the whole hearing aide thing but I was shaking my head. I’ve always listened to music out in the open, like back in the day before everyone had their own personal entertainment devices. Only recently have I taken to listening to music through headphones while on a plane or in the airport. I knew that loud music was not the source of my troubles. I hadn’t been around any guns (except for my biceps---go ahead and laugh,) so I knew that this could not be the cause.
As I listened, my mind went back to my childhood in Wilmington Delaware. I grew up on a street that was really an alley. There were only two houses and rows and rows of lime green storage garages. For most of our time there, it was quiet and peaceful. With the exception of those folks who had things in the storage units, no one bothered to come down our street because there was no reason to. We spent summer days running barefoot up and down our quiet street. My brother Kevin would make go-carts and we’d race them back and forth without a care or worry.
Then when I was somewhere in my teens; I honestly can’t recall when, The Thunder Guards Motorcycle gang moved their clubhouse to the end of our quiet little alley. You can’t imagine how loud they were. Whatever you can conjure, multiply it by a thousand. The name of the group says it all; they were the guards of thunder. This all black motor-cycle gang adjusted their bikes to the loudest of louds and would rev their engines all through the night.
Like most poor folks, we adjusted to our lot and learned to sleep around their decibels, but would sit straight up when ten or more of the Guards came flying by our little house in the middle of the night.
I hadn’t given much thought to the Thunder Guards and their night rides. I can still see the leaned-back riders in their black leather jackets revving by. They’d respectfully wave to my mother and she would nod her head in reply, but from the time they moved onto our little street life in our house was not the same.
When I spoke to my sister Chris about why I thought I was having hearing problems, she immediately agreed and shared her memories of the unnerving sound of engines roaring by.
About 15 years ago, I tried to make peace with my disdain for all things motorcycle. I bought and learned to ride one and I enjoyed it but I could never really get passed the sound. When I moved from the coast of Southern California to the coast of Southern Georgia, I left my bike with my brother Kevin who always thought that he really wanted one. Brother Kev rides occasionally, but he too is bothered by that sound.
We all have things from our childhood that have gone unresolved and unless they are truly dealt with, they have an unseen effect on our very existence. Sometimes the impact is manifested in quiet little ways and sometimes, it goes to the core of our cellular memories.
Today, see the connection of a childhood trauma to one you are experiencing now. This will be difficult but I know from personal experience that if these things are not resolved, they will linger.
Not an easy day, but at least I saved it for the weekend.
I love you and I adore the You, you are becoming.
Be well, be you, be whole.
Bertice Berry, PhD.