Day 45 of Your Year to Wellness: Writing the Wrongs

Share your stories...

...but write them too

Step Away From the Chocolate and Write

I recently read an article that said people who journal or write daily lose more weight on a diet or wellness plan than those who do not. The article pointed out that writers are able to reflect on the things that cause them to eat emotionally. Additionally, when they vented about life’s problems on paper, they were less likely to take things out on themselves with excessive eating.

Each day, when I get up to write I feel a sense of satisfaction that chocolate, or in my case popcorn, could never satisfy. Most writers will tell you that writing is cathartic; it enables you to release the pain that lies beneath the surface of life. When we sit down to write, we are on the therapy couch sharing our most intimate self.

Socrates said that an unexamined life is not worth living; and he died for that belief. We are blissfully happy and until we see a line at Starbucks or the news bulletin that interrupts our favorite program nothing seems to bother. We have become much too content knowing as little as possible about the Self that we stagnate with.

When my mother died, I discovered that she had been writing to me for 5 years. Whenever I came home with journals or a note pad from a conference, my mother would add them to the ones she was using to tell her story. Months after she died, when I was looking through her papers to find the “important” stuff she kept for me, I uncovered these writings which began simply with Dear Bertice. There were stories I’d heard before, and some that I would have never known. My mother revealed her deepest pains and greatest fears. She shared with me the struggle of getting older and the sobering realization of being close to death.

Her writings were my salvation and filled the emptiness left by her loss with love and understanding.

I agree that people who write while on a wellness program can lose more weight than those who do not, but I don’t think that it’s because they have a substitute for eating. I believe that writers lose more weight because they are releasing the stress that adds more weight and disease than food ever could.

I know people who journal every day and yet they are no more focused on their goals than they would be without writing. These people write as a means of getting back at someone and so because they cannot say what they’d like to, they write it. But writing without reflection and responsibility is not enough. I also know people who write only when the mood strikes them, barely filling a page,  yet these folks are able to see themselves with a great deal of clarity.

Just write.  Pick a time, and place that works for you. Sometimes, I write a small note on a napkin (I feel sorry for my kids when I die. They will have bags of little notes to sift through. Keep looking, that’s where the money is.) Other times, I write in a journal or even in a computer file.

Writing promotes wellness; the more you do it, the better you become; start writing and add life.

·         Write a short paragraph describing you. Tell the reader who you truly are.

·         Writers are readers, what book are you reading right now?

·         When is the last time you were read to? Check out an audible book from the library and listen to someone else’s story.

·         Write a short story for a child and read it to them.

·         If your life was a book, what would the title be?

Write On.

Be you, Be Well, Be Write

Bertice Berry, PhD

Treat yourself to the book A Year To Wellness

Day 44 of Your Year to Wellness; I Love Me Day

I Love Me Day

Okay, I know that you think I made this up and I should have but my Sister from up North (Canada not Delaware) told me about it. Roxanne said that today, she’d be going to an event where people celebrate their love for themselves.

WOW! What a concept. I absolutely love the idea of expressing your love for self.

We have been instructed to love our neighbor as ourselves, but the problem is, we don’t love ourselves. You have heard over and over again that you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself, but no one teaches you how.

I’m sure that all kinds of images have come to your mind, including the one I’m NOT talking about but I’m talking about a deep appreciation and gratitude for who you are and are becoming.

So many folks are rushing to buy candy a stuffed animal and flowers to show love to someone else while others are feeling sad and rejected because they don’t have that special someone or because the one they do have is like me, thinking, “What another holiday that requires a purchase?”

I love any day that celebrates love, I just don’t think it should be limited to one day.

So in the spirit of starting many days of celebration, let’s kick-off the “I love me” party and fall back in love with our own spirit; our true self.

·         Make a list of some of the things you like about yourself. (I know there are many, that’s why I wrote some---if you are having a hard time I’ll help you; I like that you are working on yourself, now your turn.)

·         Look at yourself in a mirror and smile. Now tell yourself you love you. (Hokey I know so do it when no one else is looking.)

·         Make yourself a present, dinner or buy yourself something you’d purchase for someone else. The present has to be wonderful and under $20.00. (This requires that you be creative but more importantly that you be able to do it again---Note: in many parts of the world that’s a month’s salary.)

·         Spend some alone-time with just you

·         Share something you love about you with someone you love

The self is social; it is a combination of everything and everyone around us. We are a part of a collective, but we still have an individual part to play. If we are to play our part, we must love it.

BE you, Be Well, Be Love

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book A year to Wellness and Start your journey today

Day 43 of Your Year to Wellness; On Laughter

My impersonation of the mythical Chupacabra

The Healing Power of Laughter

Alice Walker once wrote that “There is a point at which grief becomes absurd; at that point laughter gushes up to retrieve the sanity.”

Yesterday, I asked you to see the good in all things and today, I will ask you to find the humor.

Laughter is a powerful tool. That’s the reason why there are so many fat comediennes; we fat folks learn to be funny so that people laugh with us and not at us.

When I was a kid and people made fun of my big butt, I was always ready to come back at them. “I can lose weight, but you will always have those Fred Flintstone feet,” I once told my teenage tormentor. When I saw her again for the first time in over 30 years, she loudly commented on how I had finally been able to lose weight and I just looked down at her feet. (She left the event.)

It is a tradition among blacks and Irish folks to hold a wake or re-pass when someone has died. We gather and share stories about the deceased. These stories are always heart-felt but many are humorous. They lift the spirits of those in attendance and raise the memory of the dead to the level of something close to sainthood. The good is not interred with the bones of our loved ones as Shakespeare observed in Julius Caesar.  We laugh and sing the praises of our loved ones so there is healing for the loss.

It has been said that laughter is the flip-side of tragedy, but laughter can also occur on its own. Laughter does not need to tear down nor does it have to be a weapon, though when I travel, I keep my laughter loaded for all the angry folks.

I love the laughter that comes from seemingly nowhere and unexpected jokes. I adore people who laugh often and easily opening their hearts and minds to life.

One of the reasons that I am often asked to come back over and over again to lecture for folks who are already at the top of their game is my ability to make people laugh. I have come to see that smart, hard-working and dedicated people love to laugh as much as they love to think, but they don’t have the opportunity to do it enough.

Not everything makes everyone laugh. Laughter, like anything else is learned behavior and unfortunately in American culture, our laughter is based in put-downs.

Today, I’d like you to find humor that lifts you up.

A few days ago, I recorded my daughter cooking. She saw me coming with the camera and decided to make the Cornish hens dance to the music she’d been listening to. There is something magical about a hen dancing to John Legend’s “Take it Slow.”

Laughter has been proven to have a positive impact on your health. It releases endorphins; the brain chemical that enables us to feel good. The very act of laughing can make you laugh. There are practices of meditation designed to make you laugh and laugh more. (I have a hard time doing the ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h a h, okay but now that I’m typing it I’m starting to see the humor.)

Laughter also enables us to bond. We have more in common around humor than we do religion or politics. Have you ever noticed that you like the people who get your humor? Make someone laugh and you have a friend; join in the laughter and you have a friend for life.

There is a great deal of sadness and tragedy in the world. Laughter raises our spirits and enables us to see the big picture.

·         Laugh, do it now; I know where you live---or tweet.

·         Share a joke with someone.

·         Do something unexpected and make someone laugh.

·         How did it make them feel?

·         How does that make you feel?

Last night, when I heard of the death of Whitney Houston, I thought of the death of one of the children I raised. For a moment, I began to sink into sadness and then I recalled how my incredibly beautiful girl could make the funniest faces. She’d cross her eyes and twist her face so I’d laugh and forget whatever it was that made me sad.

We all suffer hard times. Don’t let those hard times take you under. Allow laughter to retrieve your sanity.

Be you, be well, Be the laughter

Bertice Berry, PhD

Order the book A Year to Wellness and start healing and laughing today

Later that day with the very real, very funny singer, song writer Vinx at his song-writer's workshop, Soul Kitchen

Day 42 of Your Year to Wellness; On Seeing the Good

Others saw the storm, I saw this

Seeing the Good

There is a field of study in Positive Psychology called Appreciative Inquiry or AI. This method of analysis seeks to improve  the performance of a business by taking the radical approach of looking at what’s right with the company rather than looking at what’s wrong. The deficiency approach is what we are accustomed to. We analyze why things are not right, rarely looking at what is good. The AI approach, a term coined by David Cooperrider, argues that when you constantly focus on what is wrong you end up making things worse. (Read More)

You probably already know where I’m heading. When we focus on what we think is wrong with our body, our relationships our job, we don’t make things better; we make things worse.

I can hear my mother yelling, “You don’t know when to leave well enough alone.” My mother didn’t go to college but she understood that well enough is enough and even though we didn’t have what we wanted, we had enough to get by, so as she would often chide, “You better learn to be grateful.”

Everyone knows someone who is high on life; that person for whom everything is fantastic and wonderful. They could be in a hurricane but they’d tell you that it’s all good. Don’t you just want to smack them? Well, before you raise your hand you should know that I tend to be one of those people and I know that I am annoying to others who see that the sky is really is falling.  So sorry.(Angel smiley face.) I can’t help it.

I have this theory that in life, we all have to pay our dues; some pay them early, others later. I had a very difficult childhood and that my friend is what we call an understatement. When I was young people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I’d say, “Happy.” They thought it was a joke, I thought it was a dream job.

When I was a kid I had very little control over my life; where we lived, how much we had. But I decided that when I grew up, I would not only have a say in how life treated me, I was going to determine how I treated life.

When we over analyze how fat we’ve gotten, how little we have, or how bad we feel; we miss what is right.

This weekend I’d like you to do an appreciative inquiry of your own life. Analyze what is working. There will be a tendency to look at what is not good; fight the urge. Oh taste and see that life is good. (Hey Bible scholars, I know it says “The Lord.”)

When you begin to notice what is good, two things will happen:

  1. Someone will point out the negative and until now you will not have noticed how incredibly negative others are. Be patient with them, because they are you.

 2. You will see how much you have missed.

·         Discover—See what is good

·         Dream—Visualize the potential of that good

·         Design –Create a process to make it happen

·         Deliver—Make it happen

·         Share the results with someone who gets it.

When you begin to see the good  you become open to the miracles that are happening all around you all the time.

Be good, be you, be miraculous.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book A Year to Wellness and start your journey today

Day 41 of Your Year to Wellness: Being Open

 Open to Wisdom

Whenever I lecture at a conference, I try to sit in on other presentations. Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned were ignited by a teaching outside of my world view or interest. I am often amazed by how the lecture of an aerospace engineer, a computer geek or financial analyst will shed light on my life for wellness.

I had one of these illuminating experiences recently when I heard a presentation on how to interpret an x-ray. I sat in a room filled with pediatric critical care nurses and wondered what I I was doing there. The presenter, Dan Jacobson was bright, witty and obviously passionate about his work. He talked fast but the folks in the room were writing faster and no child was left behind; not even me. His explanations were so clear that by the end of his presentation when he showed one x-ray after the next and invited the audience to interpret, I found that even I could identify the issues and illnesses. The guy was good but what made him amazing was the fact that while teaching us what we did not know, he told us what our heart understood but had not been able to express. This is the key to being a great speaker because when people hear something that they knew but couldn’t say or hadn’t recalled they become open to everything that follows.

What Dan taught was simple and yet profound. He was talking about looking at an x-ray, but he was also talking about life when he said, “You see what you look for and you look for what you know.”

 I knew he was talking about health care professionals but I felt that he was talking just to me (Which, by the way, is another thing that makes a speaker great.) How often had I gone in search of the right guy and got just what I had wanted; too often to admit. At first, I’m elated because I’ve found just what I wanted, but then I’m sad because I got just what I wanted. The problem is just as Dan pointed out; we only look for what we know.

When it comes to wellness, relationships and life, we truly need to know more. When I open myself to wisdom I see that it does not always come from the people or places I’d expect.

There are bird feeders on the windows where I sit to work and every day I am amazed by what I learn. Some birds sit and eat all that they can while some eat one nut and fly away. The titmouse will eat one nut and hide another in a tree and the squirrels watch and wait for whatever drops. Some squirrels are bold enough to jump from the back porch onto the window hoping to knock the feeder down, but even the squirrel has a learning curve.

I marvel at the fact that throughout the animal kingdom it is the male who must dress up and perform for the attention of the female as she alone is able to give birth. (I hope you really give this some thought.)

I learn from my dog Othello who has trained me well and from a child who can barely speak. I marvel at the rising of the sun and the stages of the moon and I am moved to tears when I look up at the stars.

Everything speaks and all of life whispers telling us that there is so much more to see but as Dan pointed out, we see what we look for and we look for what we know. Today’s lesson is simple; when you know more you will see more.

·         What lesson did you learn today?

·         When was the last time you heard something profound but hadn’t expected to?

·         Wisdom and knowledge are not the same; what’s the difference?

·         Put away your handheld device for 30 minutes today and pay close attention to the world around you.

·         Approach a subject, any subject as if you know nothing and learn something new.

Wisdom is the principle thing, therefore get wisdom, but with all thy getting, get an understanding.

Be well, be you, be Wise

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book A Year to Wellness and start the journey today

Day40 of Your Year to Wellness; Breaking Cycles of the Past

Breaking Cycles

My mother always said that anything that’s good is good enough to work for. If you’ve been reading this blog for the duration of the past 40 days, you already know that you’ve had to work at reading it and then you had to work at living it. But you also know that you have been changed and that the change is worth the work.

If you are just now joining us, no worries; get in where you fit in.

When I was a teenager and attended a Pentecostal church, our pastor, Rev. Ross Rainey would undertake the amazing feat of a 40 day fast. During this time, he ate no food and drank very little water and juice. I was always amazed by the transformation that came over him. Never boisterous or verbose, Rev. Rainey became quieter still. During this time, his sermons were even more powerful; focusing on what Christians should be doing for the world rather what the world owed to Christians.

At 17, when I left home for college, I began the practice of an annual 40 day fast. Now, before you start to close this page let me state clearly, I DO NOT WANT YOU TO GO ON A FAST. If you have been reading this wellness blog for 40 days, you’ve already been on a one. You have dedicated time and energy to change and transformation so in effect, you’ve done the work. But so you know, abstaining from food for 40 days is grueling business and I do not recommend it. (Somewhere around the fifth day, I usually see Jesus and he’s holding a buttered biscuit.) My purpose for fasting is always purely spiritual and should not be done for weight loss, physical outcomes or monetary and other personal gain.

The point I want to make has to do with the commitment to doing something for 40 days. As you learned earlier, 21 days of repeatedly doing something forms a habit; 40 days breaks a cycle. Now it’s time to celebrate. By reading this on a daily basis and by applying the lessons to your life you have broken cycles of underlying causes to lifelong habits. By simply enduring the work for 40 days you have been changed. I’m sure that you have felt it, now others will begin to see it.

I’ve heard from people who are losing weight, but more importantly, they are gaining life. These people tell me of being able to finally forgive others for the pain and abuse they inflicted upon them. They have learned to release themselves of blame for any harm they caused and they have begun to see themselves as deserving of love. Some have returned to the activities they loved but let go, like dancing or running and some have applied themselves to their job in a more purposeful way. There are some who have stepped out to do the things they secretly desired but were afraid to try and they are having the time of their lives.

We still have a ways to go; 325 days to be exact. But  think about how much you’ve done in just 40. How much better will you be by the end of this year? I am in for the long haul. I’ve seen the effects of my commitment to doing this and I am rewarded by increased wellness and inspired by the fact that you are taking this journey with me.

Today, take a moment to think back over these 40 days of a new year and recognize that unlike years before, you are still on track. We’ve had a cupcake here, or a Twizzler there, but we are still on the path of wellness; the realignment of the spirit, mind and body.

·         Celebrate—reward yourself with a wellness present. Yesterday, I bought exfoliating scrub and lavender oil. (Okay, now that I’m writing it, I guess I could have gotten something more, but you know what, my desire and need to shop have gotten better too.)

·         Write a letter to someone you love and tell them that you appreciate them.

·         Take a brief moment to look back over what you have accomplished and get ready for more.

·         Write a letter to yourself that you can re-visit at the end of this year

·         Take a picture of yourself today

We are on a tremendous journey. When you become well, others around you will too.

Be You, Be Well, Be the celebration of love and life.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

http://www.ayearto.com

Day 39 of Your Year to Wellness: Adequate Inspiration

The Power of Inspiration

 

It’s 5:36 am and I’m in the Atlanta airport after coming in off of a redeye flight from California. I’m on my way home to Savannah and life is wonderful.

There are many things that I’d like to change, like the noise level in the airport, seats that recline back to the point where they did before and extra seat was put in, loud talkers on cell phones and people who don’t cover their mouth when they sneeze. But the only thing I can change is my own attitude; the only person is me.

I can shut out the noise with meditation, be calm when the man in front of me comes crushing back and I can take another round of vitamins. While I may not have a choice in what others do, I have a choice in how I respond.

When we begin to take control over our own lives, we see that we have less time to care about the stuff of someone else.

Yesterday, I had the honor to speak to critical care pediatric nurses. I sat in on some of the other sessions and got to see just a bit of what these amazing nurses have to do and know. Every presentation was way above my head, but I was able to follow along and even walk away knowing much more about the human body, the assessment of pain and the differences between an adult and child patient. I was also moved by the level of compassion these nurses have for all they do and serve.

There was much to learn, but one thing stood out like a message from heaven; when a nurse is trying to save a person’s life, they have to make sure that the person is getting enough air and are able to breathe. This becomes apparent when viewing a chest x-ray and is referred to as adequate inspiration. Wow!

We all need adequate inspiration: we need air, spirit, the breath of life.

We cannot change anyone, but we can inspire them with our life. So now at 5:52 in the Atlanta airport, I’m asking myself if I am inspiring someone or if I “kill their joy.” I know I can’t kill anyone’s joy, they control their own behavior but I can affect and inspire.

It’s early, I want to be home and in my own bed. I’d like to take a shower and hug my kids. But my job requires that I travel to do my work. It requires that I be in the presence of things and folks whom I can’t control. Even when things around us seem chaotic, we must be in control of our own behavior and our own response.

 I begin to smile at the travelers and employees walking by. We all had to get up early and are a tad annoyed, but as I smile, they smile back. I say hello and I’m greeted with “Girl you got it going on.” I play peek-a-boo with a child in a stroller and the parents stop bickering about who should carry what. I am not controlling or changing anything, I am inspiring and reminding others of the same thing that I need; the thing they all give back; the inspiration to keep going on.

·         What are you doing right now? How can you inspire someone from where you are?

·         Who inspires you?

·         Tell them.

·         Think of a scenario when you responded in a way that was less than what you would have liked. How could you have changed the response? (Practice, you’ll be annoyed again.)

·         Who do you inspire?

We all need someone to help us breathe deeply and smile a bit more; today, be that for someone and watch how it comes back.

Be you, Be Well, Be Breath

Bertice Berry, PhD.