Day 38 of Your Year to Wellness; Believing is Seeing



Before I could see the difference I had to imagine it

Visualizing Success

Seeing is believing but if you want to see something, you have to think it. When I first learned the tenets of scientific research I was fascinated by how similar they were to my spiritual beliefs (stay with me, this is going to get good.)

In scientific methodology before you even begin to research something it must be conceived in the mind. After it is conceived, it is operationalized, in other words, you determine how it will be studied before it can be. Only then can the thing be observed.

In my spiritual practice I was taught to imagine or see in the mind’s eye whatever it was that I desired to then believe it and then live it.

Scientists have learned more about the brain in the last five years than they have known in the 500 before then. To be clear, the brain is not the mind. The brain is the biological organ while the mind is the processing of our thinking. Some scientists put it this way; the brain is the hardware and the mind is the software. Every cell in your body has a memory and is a part of the mind. The brain reacts and the mind remembers. The brain does not know the difference between imagination and reality but the mind can go to world’s unknown.

Okay, that’s enough of me trying to step out of my pay grade. I want to talk about visualization, but you need to be open and understand that this is not hokum or some touchy feely stuff. In fact, Navy Seals have been using visualization to practice desired outcomes for years. Now, I know that just because something is used by the military doesn’t mean that it’s true, in fact, when they pick up a weapon, you might want to run. But I think you get my point.

If you want a certain outcome, you must practice. The more you practice the outcome in your mind, the greater the likelihood of your success. I am not talking about the naming and claiming philosophy of prosperity teachings, I’m talking about the practical application of visualization.

This week, I’d like you to practice desired results in your mind. Start with something small. When I first did this, I wanted to see my scale below 200. It hadn’t been there in years. I began to imagine it on a daily basis and before long it was there. I know you’re thinking, “WHAT? You were on the Wellness Program; of course you were going to lose weight.” But the question becomes which came first, the thought or the action?

By practicing the thought and seeing the outcome, I was reinforcing my behavior towards my desired goals. I wouldn’t sneak popcorn (and who was I kidding, I saw me) because my mind kept seeing the scale below 200.

I imagined the body I have now. I had not seen it before. In my mind, I reshaped my arms and legs and even my face. So much so, that when old friends see me, they don’t always recognize me.

Of course work went into this. But when I’d imagine some goal, someone would present me with information or a way to get there.

(If you are just starting in on these posts, you may want to go back a few days, this is heady stuff, get it head-y.)

Now, I will share with you something most wonderful. When my daughter Fatima was ill, I kept imagining her well. I saw her laughing and telling jokes and getting on my nerves. I watched her struggle to breathe on a ventilator. She was afraid and later told me that she thought she was going to die. We were in an intensive care unit in a glass room with a nurse watching at all times. I could see what was really happening, but I believed for a different outcome. I held on to that thought and stayed in touch with family members who believed with me. When she could speak she asked me if I was scared. I asked her if I looked scared and she said no. I kept smiling and laughing and seeing her come home. When she did, I knew that she wasn’t out of the woods, so I kept on believing. At times, I had to pull her along and help her to see that she was fine, even when it was hard for her to breathe.

Fatima is in college and doing well. She has some tough days, but we all do and now, she is pulling me along. When I say to her that I’m tired and don’t feel like doing something, she says. “That’s funny, I see you doing it.”

·         What can you see?

·         Do a quick research on creative visualization and create a practice that works for you.

·         We are only 2 days away from our 40 day goal---it will have big implications. What would you like to see?

·         When you were a child, what did you imagine? Have you realized it?

·         Visualize a peaceful day and go live it.

What the mind can conceive your life can achieve.

Be you, be well, Be the change you want to see.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

http://www.ayearto.com

Day 37 of Your Year to Wellness: On Comparison

                                         Curiosity is fine, but Comparison Kills

Be your own competition

Far be it from me to weigh in on anything Super Bowl; I wouldn’t know a punt from sack and I kind of like it that way, but last night and early this morning when folks began to chime in on the halftime performance by Madonna et.al. I had to take notice.

I was online checking information about the stand-off between the police and the indigenous people in Panama. I have a wonderful friend who is on her way there for an annual trip she takes to help provide care for animals. My Spanish is rusty, but there are several doctors who post news from Panama in English and in Spanish, so I was following the updates when my Twitter feed went crazy.  Madonna was performing at the Super Bowl half-time and folks who normally chat about dissertation projects and wellness were all abuzz. The conversation had to do with a comparison between Madonna and Lady Gaga or Madonna now and the Madonna of old. Young people pointed out how old she is and called her grandma, while folks my age were impressed that she even made it on the field.

I have an early flight, so I’m going to make this quick (okay, I even felt like my mother just then,) research shows that when we compare ourselves to someone else with disdain, we eventually turn that feeling on to ourselves. In other words, a negative perspective about someone else’s body makes us feel bad about our own body.

When I first began to write A Year to Wellness, I wanted to call it, They Hate Fat People, but fortunately, my literary agent Victoria Sanders talked me out of it. When I saw the research on how we treat ourselves and others based on ideas of body image, I was---what’s that word---pissed.

Last night, the conversation turned crazy as people, mainly women called Madonna old, while others, mostly men were impressed by her inverted push-ups.

Sisters, come on.

When people ask me who’s more competitive, men or women, I laugh because, I am being asked  to compare and only a man would not know. We women have so many more ego areas; we don’t just have to look good, we have to be the best providers, the best mothers, the best cooks and the best dressed.

We compare hair and clothes, skin and even nails. I long for the day when women begin to see each other as sisters; not the wicked step-sister type, but the loving sisters who see each other as beautiful, powerful and wonderful.

I will admit that when I was younger, I was not a Madonna fan, but on this side of 50, I am cheering for all women who strive to be themselves.

·         Today, take note of your comparisons. Who do you compare yourself to and why?

·         Who do you make fun of? (How old are you?)

·         Where does comparison stop and jealousy begin? Search your soul for your own answers.

·         Take note of the number of times you point out the flaws of someone else.

·         Now, take note of how it made you feel.

You are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are powerful, just as you are.

BE you, be whole, be Love

Bertice Berry, PhD

http://www.ayearto.com

Day 36 of Your Year to Wellness; Susan G. Komen...

                                           

          How you feel is all in the focus



Susan G. Komen, Eddie Long and Me

I decided some time ago that I would not use these posts to discuss politics or religious preference and I won’t. This blog is about Wellness and Transformation; for me and the many, many folks who find their way here. I’ve heard from readers who use this as their morning coffee and from some who share it with their office co-workers. One woman reads it to a blind person and there is a spiritual intuitive who shares it with all of her clients. On twitter there are folks who retweet everything I post and there are some who sit quietly at lunch reading my words as a mid-day snack. I value your participation and the fact that you have made this work a part of your life. So I truly mean it when I say that I wish only joy and peace for the time you are reading these posts.

So now, that I have apologized before the act (I can see my brother Kevin who stood himself in the corner if he did anything wrong,) let me say that on this road to transformation, I sometimes find myself very angry.

It happened this week with the announcement and then “reversal” from the folks at the Susan G. Komen head office and then when I watched a video of Eddie Long being made a “king” by a man who claimed to be a rabbi.

I won’t go into the details of either of these events, I’m sure you’ve heard and seen enough of them. My point in sharing is to say that where sin abounds, grace does more so, and we are the grace.

I have to remind myself that even with all of the chaos going on in the world from Syria to Russia and everywhere you live, there are things happening that bring joy. We often miss the wonderful stories because we get focused on the extreme opposite. And if there is no drama we have to make some drama have mercy.

I sat on a plane next to a woman who was reading a magazine filled with pages devoted to checking on who in Hollywood had cheek implants. When she was done flipping through those pages (because really, what is there to read) she opened another rag filled with the latest updates on Kim Kardashian.  For a few moments I wondered why someone would buy this stuff and then I wondered why I was looking in her magazine.  We were in first class people. There is too much to learn, to know, to see and be inspired by for me to get lost in the stuff of someone else.

Whenever I get distracted by news, crazy, sad or otherwise, I remind myself of The Cowtown Work to Ride Polo Team from Philadelphia. Now if you haven’t heard of them, you are not alone. I heard the story of this all-black national winning polo club long after they’d won the title. A woman/angel named Lezlie Hiner started the Work to Ride program as a way to give horseback riding lessons to underprivileged kids form Philadelphia and in exchange they would do work around the barn; hence the name Work to Ride. When the kids started out, they had never even been on a horse and yet they went on to become National Polo champions winning against their wealthy- born-on-a-horse rivals.

These kids are from Philly, which is only 25 minutes from where I grew up in Wilmington, Delaware. This all happened in March of 2011 but I didn’t hear about them until January 2012 because like the rest of us, I was focused on something else.

Don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying that you should turn away from all of the tough stuff that’s going on in the world, nor am I saying that you should only focus on the good; I am saying that if we are to be well, we must be balanced. We can’t overdose on the daily fix of what’s wrong and we can’t just float like everything is fine; we have to find our balance.

I get angry when I see injustice, when a child is abused and a mother can’t get the help she needs. I am grieved by the atrocities of war and can’t watch a movie that reenacts rape—I cannot. When I become angry, sad enraged and repulsed, it must be a starting point; a place where my frustration becomes a catalyst towards an action for change.

When she was asked why she taught polo, “the sport of kings”, to underprivileged kids, Lezlie Hiner said that she once saw the way a young man responded and changed by touching and being around a horse. She had horses, so she decided to do something.

I thought of all of the folks who have helped me change because they were touched my something that enabled them to see that they could shine their light on a problem.

The problems of the world will get you frustrated, and they should. But we have to move beyond the point where they become something for us to discuss and be angry about to a place where they enable us to change ourselves and affect change in others.

·         What in the news made you angry this week?

·         How can you move from anger to an agent of change?

·         What can you give/do or be to the life of someone in need?

·         How has someone affected change in your life by sharing their own.

·         Tell someone you love them.

When the stuff of life gets you down; shift your focus.

Be you, be well, BE New

Bertice berry, PhD.

http:www.ayearto.com

Day 35 of Your Year to Wellness; Stay Black, Pay Taxes and Die

Meaghan , Steve, Jeanine and I playing hooky

Stay Black, Pay Taxes and Die: Life's Obligations

When I was a kid, I would beg my mother to have and do things that just were not going to happen. Whenever I’d pull the old, “But I have to the teacher said it has to be on poster board,” or I have to have the correct new outfit for choir or any off those have- to’s that children are so fond of, my mother would respond by my putting one hand on her hip and declaring that all she had to do was stay black, pay taxes and die; that everything else in life is an option.

Late at night after hearing the whole, black-taxes-death thing my siblings and I would ponder the truth of my mother’s argument. “You can change your color,” my sister Portia would whisper. “I read all about it in Black Like Me. They have a pill you can take that changes your color. You don’t have to stay black.” My brother Brent would point out that he knew someone who never paid their taxes and I’d tell them about cryogenics and how people were freezing their bodies and one day they would be brought back to life.

Our philosophical ranting would be cut short when my mother would yell across the hall telling us her truth. “That pill is fake and even if it did work, you are still black.” We knew she had a point; people often mistook my grandmother and aunt for white women, though we all knew they were black and never going to be anything else. She’d mow down our second argument by saying that eventually Uncle Sam catches up to you and to the last she’d say, “I don’t care what them crazy rich folks are doing, everybody has to die. Now hush up and go to sleep.” She’d say.

We tried to whisper softer, but my mother still heard us and would give us our second least favorite declaration; “You know I can hear a rat pee on cotton.” I’d try to imagine this happening until I fell off to sleep.

As a child, I got so caught up on the black, taxes, and death thing that I had missed my mother’s main point; that with the exception of those three things,  what we do is a choice; it’s up to us how we spend our days.

Well, last night, I had one of my many moments of feeling obligated. I am very strict about doing what I say I’m going to do. I am amazed by folks who say they will do something but don’t and then act like it’s no big deal. When I say I’m in, I am and if I can’t do something, which is extremely rare, I say so.

Yesterday, I had planned to go to the ballet. I love the ballet and this performance was a part of the Black Heritage Festival here in Savannah.  The group, The Ballethnic Dance Company, mixes ethnic influences with classical technique. I was excited when my friend Adrienne offered me two tickets. I got dressed and had planned to meet my sister/manager Jeanine at the venue. Just as I was about to leave my house that sudden feeling of “I’m tired” came down and came down hard but I had already accepted the tickets from Adrienne and Jeanine was already on her way to the performance hall. I called Jeanine to say that I was running a tad late, because I had of course forgotten the tickets and had to go back home to retrieve them.

At this point, I was really tired and it dawned on me that I was hungry too, but I felt I had to go. Then suddenly, out of some other place, I heard my mother say, “All you have to do is stay black, pay taxes and die.” I had not thought of that line in years and I laughed out loud when it came to me.

I called Jeanine to tell her that I was tired but pushing through and she admitted that she felt the same. We decided that we’d sit through the first half and leave if either of us fell asleep. I told her that I had been running errands and then went to the salon and had somehow forgotten to eat. Jeanine reminded me that the Cuban restaurant was around the corner and that we could go there afterwards. I suddenly remembered that the restaurant also had live jazz and that we could just go there. We went around and around with our feeling of obligation and then remembered that life is choice. I called Adrienne and told her that we were too beat and too hungry and she said she felt the same, but she had to go because she was meeting her mother. “No point in asking her to play hooky,” I thought and I went on to the Cuban restaurant.

Jeanine and I were enjoying the music when two wonderful friends Meaghan and Steve came in. A year ago, I officiated their wedding and had planned on getting together with them for dinner but hadn’t taken the time to do so. When they came in I laughed at how beautiful life is when we open ourselves to the possibilities.

I do believe in doing what I say I’m going to do. But I can see and comprehend my mother’s lesson more clearly every day; what we do in life is a choice.

Do what you say you will do and be open to letting life give you what you need.

·         Go off the beaten path

·         BE true to who you are

·         Fulfill your obligations

·         Enjoy music, dance and the arts

·         LIVE fully.

Everybody dies; the real question is will you truly live? All of life is a choice, choose wisely.

Be well, be you, be Joy

Bertice Berry, PhD.

http://www.ayearto.com

Day 34 of Your Year to Wellness; The Power of Diversity

The Power of Diversity

I know, I know, it’s February and that means Black History month, so you think that’s why I’m talking about diversity---NOPE; I’m still talking about wellness. In order to be well, in spirit, mind and body you need to redefine and reevaluate your use of diversity.

I’m often asked to speak about diversity for corporations who see the power of diversity for their own growth. These companies have come to recognize that if they are to be more creative, productive and let’s just say it, profitable, they need diversity. Not everyone feels that way. We’ve come to think that diversity is about quotas and numbers. That it requires the taking of power and resources from one group to give them to another. That it is in the words of Rodney King a cry for us all to “Just get along.”

Diversity is not about Kumbaya, power sharing or can’t we all get along. Diversity in its true sense is about critical thinking. I employed the use of diversity thinking to develop the Year to Wellness Program. I had to look from culture to culture, and practice to practice to see what works in my life today. You will need to do the same thing. Nothing grows in a vacuum. Your mind needs new and diverse ideas to evolve. Your spirit or the psycho-social self requires that you experience something different and your body will not heal itself with the same junk over and over again.

We fear that which is different because we were taught to. You learned to stay in familiar circles as a means of safety and survival and the same thing was taught to cave dwellers. Isn’t it time for us to evolve?

I love my heritage, my culture and my family but I also love learning and I’m constantly opening myself to new things and ideas. I meditate, do yoga, and dance to world music. My children grew up with Capoeria (sorry, you have to look it up) and all forms of art. They attended archeological camps and learned to golf. When I was young, my sister Christine made us watch and learn from the French Lesson on PBS and my teacher Karen Denton took her students to see plays by Shakespeare. (So what if they were performed badly by the all-boys school.)  

The world is big and there is much to see and learn. The more you open yourself to the diversity of life, the more you grow and evolve.

I’m sitting at my kitchen table looking around the family room. In front of me, there is a painting by my sister Myrna Vercher. Myrna was a brilliant artist who died from complications with diabetes. She was one of the brightest lights I’ve ever known. She was a New Age thinker way before anyone called it that and was always striving to do and be more. When I was 12, Myrna gave me a gift which she said would change my life. I had hoped for a bike, so when I saw that it was a book, I was sad and disappointed. Years later, she gave me the same book and I am sad to say that it took me even more years to finally read; the book was The Science of The Mind by Ernest Holmes and is the very foundation of much of what we call New Thought. I read the book after Myrna had passed away and in it found the letter that she had written years before. In it she told me to grab hold of all that life had to offer and to love myself more and more each day.

As I look up at the painting by my sister Myrna of a Black Madonna and child I faintly recall sitting in the backyard trying to be as still as possible because I had to pose for the features of the baby. I look around my room now and see the other pieces that have made their way here from South Africa and Tibet, Holland and Korea. There is a chair form Scandinavia and a sculpture from Egypt. On a door hangs a shackle from a slave ship and across from it hangs the portrait of my mother; bondage on one side and freedom on the other. And I sit still.

Life is big and long and wide. There more diverse your environment, the more creative and evolved are the products that come from it.

·         What’s around you?

·         What lessons do they teach and remind you of?

·         Find an old book and re-read it.

·         Do something different TODAY.

·         Share what you know.

“All invention, art, literature, government, law and wisdom that has come to the race has been given to it through those who have deeply penetrated the secrets of Nature and the mind of God.” Ernest Holmes

BE you, Be well, Be Diverse

Bertice Berry, PhD.

http://www.ayearto.com

Day 33 of Your Year to Wellness:The Fear of Change

If you want Sucess you must embrace Change

Fear of Change

I recently heard from a reader who shared that she has lost a great deal of weight with this Year to Wellness Program. I was and am happy and excited for her and everyone else who is finding spirit, mind body alignment.  But as I continued to read I saw that the reader was not excited about her strides, she was fearful. She was afraid that she’d do what she’d done in the past; lose weight and then gain more than she had lost. But she was also afraid that this time, her work would pay off and she’d actually achieve the goals that she’d been seeking for many years.

In some circles, people would call this a Fear of Success, but I’m not in that circle. I understand the theory of how when a person has experienced disappointment after disappointment they come to believe that disappointment is their lot. I also understand the idea that a person can become anxious about whether or not they will reach their goals, but I don’t accept the whole fear of success thing. I’ve been in and around people who strive to succeed over and over again and I believe that their anxiety is really a fear of change.

I first heard the Fear of Success theory  in the 80’s and back then it was applied to the plight of poor people who, it was theorized, did not get out of poverty because they feared success and just might not know what to do if they weren’t poor. Having grown up poor I feared that theory.

People want to succeed, they yearn for it but when there is failure after failure, there is a tendency to think that you are headed for the same disaster. More importantly though, we fear the unknown; I know what it feels like to be fat, how will I deal with healthy?

When my body first began to change, I had no idea what size I wore, it changed from week to week. Then came the compliments; strangers would pay for my tea and ask for my phone number. When I’d excitedly tell friends they’d roll their eyes and say things like, “Oh anybody can get someone to hit on them,” or ‘Yeah, he just wants one thing.”

My excitement would wane and I’d close myself to the possibility that maybe this plan was working. Then one day, I was out with my daughter for lunch and  I noticed a young man staring. I immediately went into mother mode. The guy had to be in his late twenties and Fatima was only 18. She rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth (something I had to teach Fatima and her sister, as they didn’t teach it at the private school) and said, “Mom he’s too suave-e for my liking and I think he’s looking at you.” I laughed and got up to leave, but Fatima had to go to the bathroom first. On her way back, the young man stopped her to talk and then I saw Fatima on the floor laughing. I was thinking many things, but mainly “Get up off of that dirty floor.” When she got up and came back to me, she was still laughing. I asked her what happened and she said the guy wanted to know if I was her sister and if she thought he could get to know me. She told him that I was her mom and that I was old. The young man told her that he preferred older women and Fatima told him, “Dude, my mom’s like 50.” He told her that I looked much younger and asked where we lived and she told him the corner of “Ain’t-going-to-happen and in-your-wildest-dreams.” She said that he asked where that was and that’s when she fell on the floor. “Dude, “she told him, “Young is one thing, dumb is another.”

We left the restaurant laughing and Fatima told me to get ready, because my six-pack had come out of the cooler and I was going to have a lot more of what had just happened.

I’ll admit that I didn’t know how to handle this newness. I get loads of attention from my work but this was different, I was “like 50” and suddenly I was being noticed for my looks.

I had to do as Fatima said; I had to get ready for it. I had to recognize that change is a necessary part of growth, that not everyone was going to like it, and that I had to learn to accept and embrace it.

Change is an ongoing process, so is success. Constantly remind yourself of the following:

·         Don’t expect others to know what it’s taken you your whole life to learn.

·         Be patient with yourself and others. Change is change and takes some getting used to.

·         Remember that change is hard, but things were hard before the change. If you have to deal with difficulty, let it be a new one.

·         You already know what failure tastes like, try a new flavor; Success.

·         Don’t measure your progress against where you’d like to be, measure it against where you’ve come from.

Wellness requires change; don’t fear what you’ve deserved all along.

Be well, be you, be Change.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

http://www.ayearto.com

Day 32 of Your Year to Wellness; No Turning Back

No Turning Back

                                                               

Your goal is closer than you think

There is an ancient proverb which says that if you look at anything too closely, it will break your heart.

This is true for life and love and it also holds true for your wellness. We are at day 32 of the Year to Wellness and I’m sure you’ve made progress, but we all have a tendency to want things to happen overnight. The weight loss industry has sold us the 30 day package for so long that we have come to believe that it is true and should be possible. We have also learned to blame ourselves when weight loss goals are not met.

True transformation happens from the inside out. You will become well in spirit mind and body, so at first the physical changes may not be as obvious as you’d like, but they exist.

There may also be a period where you feel that you have gone backwards. When I first started out on a journey of wellness, it took months for me to actually see any progress. I remember the day I could see the change. My daughter had taken a picture of me and showed it to me later that day. I asked her who it was and then suddenly realized that the woman with the big smile was me. I was shocked by the difference. I had been seeing an old image of myself and then I recognized the change.

Step back and look from another angle.

Yesterday, I went for a walk along the Coronado shore line. I first came to Coronado over 30 years ago to visit Terry Evenson, the man who helped put me through school. I was bright and talented, but I saw myself through my weight and therefore never felt that I measured up. Terry was proud of me and told me so but I’d look around at the other kids he’d help to educate who were thin and fit and so all I saw was my fat.

Back then I would walk on the beach while the others jogged effortlessly. We’d go up to the gates of the navy base and then back to Terry’s condo and I was always the last one back. Terry would encourage me saying that even though I walked, I did the entire 5 miles and that was great.

Yesterday, I went out for a walk. At 51 I am not concerned with how fast I walk just that I do. I moved effortlessly and looked ahead to see if I could determine where I would stop. I sang “This Little Light of Mine,” and walked on enjoying the morning. When I got to the gate of the Navy base, memories of my fat youth came flooding back. Until I saw that gate, I hadn’t realized that this was the same walk I had done more than 30 years before. I stood there and allowed my tears to flow. I looked back to see the Hotel Del Coronado in the distance and I could feel Terry smiling from the Cloud of Witnesses. He and my mother and all of my loved ones on the other side were cheering for me and they were not cheering for the weight I’ve lost, they were cheering for the life I’ve gained.

As I walked back, I smiled and laughed at how incredibly beautiful and round life truly is.

There is another proverb that says “When a person seeks their purpose, the Universe conspires to answer.”

Keep seeking your purpose and peace. Life is not a race, it is a pilgrimage. What truly matters is that you are on this journey, that you learn new things about yourself and the world and that you enjoy the beauty along the way.

·         Look at how far you’ve come.

·         Make a list of the things you have learned.

·         Feel the presence of those who’ve gone before you.

·         Reflect on how you feel.

·         Keep on keeping on.

Be you, be well, BE

                                                                          Bertice Berry, PhD.

http://www.ayearto.com