Day 60 of Your Year to Wellness; The Question of Truth

The Answer

I must be doing something right. This morning I sat in front of my computer screen unable to write. I’m in a beautiful hotel in Memphis but the desk chair in my room won’t adjust and I’m having a hard time reaching the keyboard. The food choices are slim (hard to eat vegetarian without a car in downtown Memphis ) and I woke up to back pain from trying to write in bed.

I sat here complaining to myself and wondering what to write then I decided to be grateful and when I took a short moment to do so an amazing thing happened.

l felt led to open an email that I hadn’t gotten to yesterday and there was my answer. My beautiful sister/friend Gina wrote to say that she was just 15 minutes from the school shooting in Ohio. She wrote about being reminded of the fact that happiness has zero to do with social status and of her grandmother’s ability to be blissfully happy when all around her was not and then she asked a powerful question:

“My question for a future blog post…what is the balance between choosing rose colored glasses vs. seeing the truth and choosing compassion -- even if the truth is ugly??”

I am always amazed by how the Universe works, because I had been asking myself the same question the night before when I found out that a place that has the world’s best veggie burger was here in town but miles away. I thought about it as I meditated over my audience here; realtors who have to keep doing their best even when the housing market is in the dumps. And I thought about it when I reflected on world hunger and homelessness---I think you know where I’m going.

To answer Gina’s question let me say this; Truth is never ugly.

Truth is balance; it is the big picture of life that tells us that nothing is all good nor is it all bad. Truth looks down the road and sees that everything is temporary and that this too shall pass.

There is always more than we can see and I think those of us who can see must do so for those who cannot.

In David Hawkins’ Power vs. Force, he points out that only 15% of the population vibrates on a level that is high enough to produce change. But he also points out that this is all that is needed to make the change happen.

Gina, each time we see joy when others see pain, we are bringing them closer to the Truth. When we choose to pray and be still while others are screaming, we are living Truth and when we see through rose colored glasses we are able to see how vibrant and alive things really are.

Yesterday when I got in, I took a picture of the pyramid. Katie, the lively and intelligent woman who drove me from the airport looked at it and said that she wished we’d had better weather. I asked her to look at it again and she smiled. She was seeing the shapes of the clouds and the things that could not have been seen on a sunny day. She was looking through my rose colored glasses.

“Wow,” she said, “That is beautiful.”

As I sit here, I notice that my chair still doesn’t adjust, I can’t get a salad for breakfast and there is still hunger and homelessness in the world but I am smiling and without pain because I see the connectedness of life; that my question of what to write was answered when Gina asked her question about Truth. I can see that with each smile each laugh, each moment of sharing, each act of kindness we are bringing much needed balance to the world.

Put on the rose colored glasses and see things the way they truly are.

Be you, be well, be Truth

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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Day 59 of YOur Year to Wellness; Understanding

 Stepping Down from Judgment into Understanding

Did you ever have a teacher or professor who would quickly give you an assignment and then leave you to think about it? The assignment seemed easy at first but soon you came to see that it was anything but. Those lessons always seemed to weigh on me the most; their effects lasting weeks after the assignment had been given.

Today’s lesson will be one of those quickies that remain with you throughout your life.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the subject of judgment.   

We make judgments all day long. I tell myself that I’m merely making an observation and this helps me justify myself to myself, but I know the truth; that when I judge anyone else, I have put myself in a position of authority over another person’s life.

Step down from the throne and seek to understand, or literally stand under the situation of another enabling you to see what someone else is dealing with.

Today ask yourself, are you standing over or are you understanding.

When we look at our thoughts concerning the life of another in this manner we are able to see that we don’t fully understand our own motivations; how then can we judge those of another?

We judge others to feel better, smarter, richer or prettier than someone else. But this throne of righteousness is short-lived and you have to move on to another and another and another.

 Instead of judging send energy and love, say a prayer, think positive thoughts.

“I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

I hope this stays with you

Be well, be you be Understanding,

Bertice Berry, PhD

Order the book a Year to Wellness and start your journey today

Day 58 of Your Year to Wellness: Encouragement

Through my window

Encouragement and Enlightenment

Last night I couldn’t sleep, which is big for me because I can sleep standing up. When I hit my wall, I’m like a two year old who declares she’s not sleepy and then passes right out. That’s because I get up extremely early and I go to bed that way too. When I woke up with no need to do so, I decided to sit and pay attention. Nothing came, so I thought about making jewelry which I do at night before going to bed but I figured I’d read instead.

 I’ve got so many books on my waiting list that I can’t always decide what to read next. I read from paper books and from an electronic book as well because with all of the traveling I do, I needed to lighten my travel load. My home is filled with books. Everyone in the family reads and so we often struggle between our love for art and the need for wall space for books.

I try to keep my bedroom as feng shui as possible, which means not too many books in the bedroom. I had that “I don’t want to get up thing” going which happens when you’re all cozy in bed so I reached for my note pad to read a book from it. When I did I noticed that I had a lot more email than I had before going to sleep so I went to my email account and found it filled with encouragement from readers of this post.

 One said that my mother’s wisdom reminded the reader of an aunt whose memory brought them back to a peaceful place. Another email told of how my writing had answered a questioned the reader had the day before and someone else spoke of finding peace from years of holding onto childhood memories filled with pain. There were more encouraging me to continue on this journey and I understood why I was up.

Last week, people kept telling me how young I looked. It happened all week long and it was coming from people I didn’t know. Somehow, age would come up and I would say that I was 51 adding that I usually say 60 because it gets me more compliments. Each time, the other person would tell me that they would have guessed 30. This happened over and over again and I began to wonder why. I didn’t think I was looking younger but then last night when I woke up and read the emails I burrowed out of my winter habitat and looked in the mirror.

 Here’s what I think is happening and I want you to pay close attention to this and to your own life as well; I think that when we work through our judgment of others, especially those who we feel have wronged us and we learn to encourage instead, it enlightens us and takes us to a place of peace. This peace truly surpasses understanding and we are able to forgive and forgo the need for revenge or restitution.

Today encourage at least 5 people. I’m not talking about false praise; there is a fine line between the two. Find the beauty in someone and tell them. Your encouragement will take the person off balance at first simply because we are not used to getting or receiving compliments. Then your compliment will do exactly what the word encouragement means, it will hearten the recipient with courage. Your encouragement for others will illuminate you.

You will begin to see more clearly and understand the pain of another which will in turn humble you.

And the meek will be beautified.

Be well, be you, be illuminated.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book a Year to Wellness and start your beautiful journey today

Special thank you to Janet Hill Talbert http://onthisrocknyc.com/my editor and sister who helped me to become a better writer and who taught me to make jewlery.

Day 57 of Your Year to Wellness; On Love

Stay connected to the Source

Loving Relationships and Wellness

Nothing makes the heart beat like being in Love. In the minds of many, (mostly old boyfriends) I’m probably not the one who should be writing about love.

I got married and annulled in the same year and I had to write a Country Song.                     

The truth is I love being in love so I’ll let you in on a secret; I’m always in love. I love my life, my children and family. I love my friends because they provide a wealth of ideas and information and I’ll never get bored. My world is unique and peaceful and there is always something to explore. You already know that being in love makes everything better; the question becomes why do we fall out of love?

I don’t think we can ever truly fall out of love because Love never fails. What happens is this; we stop seeing in someone what we once saw and loved. This can be the other person’s doing but it’s always what you perceive. If you define something as real, it becomes real in your mind and when it becomes real in your mind, it’s real in its consequences.

This past week, I reread the Celestine Prophecy, twice. Now, before you roll your eyes and close this page, I have to tell you that what I got the first time was completely different than what I learned this one.

Everything was clearer but one thing truly stood out. This amplification could be due to the fact that I’m currently writing a book called Beauty Thieves. It’s all about people who take the shine and confidence of others. Well according to the Celestine Prophecy, we all do this but in a loving relationship it’s done quite a bit and it happens because the lovers disconnect from the energy source of the Universe and connect to each other. Eventually, their love becomes a power struggle for energy.

I will tell you that whenever I feel this drain, I get out of Dodge and I do so quickly. I would not have called it a drain before but I have truly experienced the feeling of a loved one who becomes jealous  or seeks to control. The moment this happens I start looking for things that I missed when I “fell” in love.

Today, I’d like you to look at yourself as it pertains to your relationships---not just with the opposite sex but with anyone you love. Keep these things in mind

·         You are on the same team

·         When the people you love win at anything in life, you do too

·         There is more than enough love. It’s the one thing that never runs out

·         When you become well and balanced everything around shines beautifully.

·         If the same thing happens over and over again in your relationships remember you are the common denominator.

Love is all there is.

The more love you have in your life, the better your life is.

Be you, be well, be Love,

Bertice Berry, PhD

Order the book A Year to Wellness and start your journey today

Day 56 of Your Year to Wellness; Nit-Pickers

More beauty than not---see it

Are you a Nit-Picker?

My mother always gave us a laugh when someone picked lint form her clothing.

“Give that back.” She’d say. “I can’t have nothing. How do you know I wasn’t saving that?”

We’d laugh and roll on the floor hoping to get some lint for ourselves. Years later, I observed someone trying to fix my mother’s tag and I noticed that she pulled back quickly. The person moved on to someone else and my mother mumbled “Damn Nit-Picker.”

I had heard the Nit-Picker thing for years and I thought I knew what it meant but when I saw my mother’s strong reaction, I knew that the meaning had to go much deeper. I asked her what a Nit-Picker was and she looked me in the eye and said, “You should know, because you know a lot of them.”

It took a few more weeks of coaxing as it sometimes does with elders but finally, my mother revealed her definition of what she called a Nit-Picker.

“Those are the folks who go around looking for the tiniest flaw with someone else because they can’t stand to look at their own.” She said. "These people love to find the person who shines brightly so they can get some of that shine for themselves."
 She looked at me from head to toe and then she fixed my collar. “You look good,” she said, “But I just made you better. That’s nit-picking.” And then she just walked away.

I gave her words a great deal of thought. I did know a lot of Nit-Pickers and they didn’t just pick at my appearance. Sometimes folks would take the opportunity to correct the smallest detail of a point I tried to make or they’d spot something wrong with the way I hold my hands when I drive.

As my sister Christine says, "People who are often criticized tend to become very critical."

I have been a Nit-Picker to my own children. We parents like to think that we are correcting and guiding but sometimes we go too far. Yes, it was done to us, but we can evolve; we must.

When I step from concerned mom into Nit-Picker, I breathe, smile and shut up.

Are you a Nit-Picker?

·         Do you look for the flaws in others in an attempt to avoid your own?

·         Do you seek perfection in others?

·         Do you miss what is good because you are only looking for what is wrong?

·         Are you jealous of others?

·         Did you immediately spot my typos?

There is far too much joy in the world for you to spend time looking for pain.

Be well, be you, be HAPPY

Bertice Berry, PhD.

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Day 55 of Your Year to Wellness; Giving it up

I'm Giving It Up

Tuesdays, 11:30AM – 1:30PM, Lenten Lunches, February 28 thru April 3. We offer delicious sandwiches and soup, plus outstanding desserts. Don't give up desserts for Lent, give up something that keeps you from loving your neighbor or from loving God.

I saw this add on the website for Saints Andrews and Matthews Episcopal Church in Wilmington Delaware.http://ssam.org/ Ssams as it is known has a wonderful history. Two churches, one with a black congregation and the other a white one, were in danger of closing due to a reduction in the membership at both. The churches decided to merge and they have been an incredible example of the teachings of Jesus ever since. The road to outreach and love was not always easy, but I’m told that it has always been beautiful.

When I saw this announcement for Lenten Lunches my heart was filled with joy. I was joyous for the fact that there would be dessert, but even more so because members were being encouraged to make a real sacrifice; to give up anything that kept them from loving their neighbor or from loving God.

WOW!

I could stop there but if you’ve been following this blog, you know that I won’t. Yesterday, I was in Minnesota for a medical work-up to be a kidney donor.

My friend Dana connected me to another friend Mary Fran who is a critical care nurse. Mary Fran walked me over to the center and escorted me through the maze of the expansive hospital. When I checked in at the University of Minnesota Medical Center, I was greeted by some of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and that’s really saying something. The surgeons, physicians, nurses, social worker and technicians were all extremely competent and amazingly just down right nice. I thought maybe they had been told to be extra kind to a potential donor and then I saw the folks who needed dialysis as they came into the waiting area and I soon realized that I was not the star.

Each person was treated with dignity and good old fashioned love and I was moved to tears. I sat in the waiting area wishing that I had a few more kidneys to give out and wondering how even the folks who were so terribly sick were as nice as everyone else.

When I signed in for one procedure, a frail man walked up and asked if I was there as a donor. I told him yes and he smiled the smile of an angel, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Thank you.”

When I met with the transplant coordinator, I learned that in their system alone, there were over 600 people waiting for a donor. I didn’t want to think of how large that number became when I multiplied it across the U.S.

The social worker, a beautiful mother of two asked me why I wanted to be a donor. I told her the simple truth that my friend Annette asked if I would do it for her friend. I told her that I didn’t know of too many folks who have been given the chance to do something this incredible and I saw it as a gift.

When I came back to my hotel room I found an email from Father David of Ssam with a link to their website and there it was; “Don’t give up dessert, give up anything that keeps you from loving your neighbor and from loving God.”

So I I gave up my ego, my concern for how I might look to others and my worry for the future, oh yeah and even though it’s been very good to me, I’ll give up the kidney too.

What will you give up?

Be you, Be well, Be Free

Bertice Berry, PhD

Order the book and start your journey today

Day 54 of Your Year to Wellness; When to say NO

When I learned to say no to the nonsense of others I had time to make sense for me

 

 

When to Say No

to

 Make the Most of Your Time

I’m often asked to speak about life-work balance. Everybody is stressed from doing too much, too often and they feel that they just don’t have enough time. In fact, one of the major reasons people cite for not being able to get fit is that they just don’t have enough time to do it.

We have more than enough time. That’s right, I said it and if you don’t like it meet me on the playground at—sorry I had a flash back to elementary school. Maybe that's because I feel it’s childish to think that you should have more time.

If we had more hours in the day, we’d use them to wear our bodies down. We need to use the time we have more efficiently.

Most people feel that they don’t have enough time or that time goes by too quickly because they don’t manage their time well. They are up late at night changing channels and wondering why with over 800 channels, there is nothing to watch. These folks have a hard time sleeping so they chat on a social network with someone who is just as tired but can’t sleep. The next day when it’s time for productivity they are tired and grumpy and when someone asks them to do something they refuse feeling they are too tired from having been too tired.

I’m really not talking to these folks—okay I will, go to bed and go to sleep.

Now, to you who feel that you need more time because you are constantly doing for others, I have a little tip for you. It’s taken me my entire life to figure this out, so I don’t expect you to become proficient in a day. I’d like you to spend the day looking through this lens.

When I am asked to do something for or with someone, I ask myself if the time I’m spending will multiply. In other words, will my doing something for someone enable them to do something for someone else?

The scriptures speak of considering ways to stimulate others to acts of kindness and love. I seek to do for others in a way that would inspire them to do for someone else.

You will be amazed at what you see. While looking through this lens, keep these things in mind:

·         The only person you can change is you. You can inspire others to breathe but you can’t breathe for them. Or as my mother would say, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.”

·         If people are constantly asking you to do things, be grateful because they know you that you get things done but keep in mind you can’t do everything.

·         Don’t judge others who don’t join in to help, be an example for them. (I’m still working on this myself. At times I want to yell, “Hey, if you would do for others you won’t feel so empty.”) Allow them to learn as we all must.

·         2 in purpose beats 20 with no purpose. It will be easier to work with those who get it than it is with those who don’t. When folks don’t want to help out, they will often sabotage the opportunity for everyone else. They will make things wrong to prove that they are right.

·         When you shine a light you illuminate others. Just like any energy source, you must be replenished and renewed.

Be well, be you, be wise,

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book A Year to Wellness and start your journey today

Day 53 of Your Year to Wellness; e=mc2

Our Collective Purpose:
 e-mc2

I think I know why we are here; not individually, your individual purpose is up to you and is for you alone. I have figured out our collective purpose. Well, Einstein got there first. His mass energy equivalence is the only mathematical equation that I apply to the random nature of human kind. Yes, we all have our patterns and at times we are extremely predictable, locked in our cultures and lazy about our own evolution. Still, there is enough variety, ignorance and spice in life to keep us just outside the realm of robotic.

All I’m left with is e=mc2; our purpose and calling; to be the speed of light times its self, blowing on what matters for someone else so that matter becomes energy. In other words, it is our collective purpose to transform the matters of life into the energy of our existence.

The idea is simple and beautiful (symmetrical.)

Today, look at your life through this lens:

·         Are you shining a light or not? (Sorry there is no in between.)

·         Do the foods you eat add energy or do they diminish it? (You know what makes you sleepy or drunk?)

·         Do your actions help someone see their potential, or do they stop them in their tracks?

E=mc2------Be the speed of light times itself blowing on the matters and cares of others enabling them to become the energy we all need.

When you walk with purpose, you collide with Destiny

Be you, Be well, Be the Light

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book A Year to Wellness and start your journey today

Day 52 of Your Year to Wellness; The Impression you Leave



                                 Leaving a Legacy…

 When You Leave a Room

Have you noticed that the better you become, the less you think about your physical self? I’ve been hearing from folks who report that they are losing more weight than ever and it is much easier than ever. However, they are all amazed that the weight loss is not nearly as important as the life they are gaining.

Today I’d like you to look at your life through the following question; how do you want to be remembered?

I’m not talking about the kind of remembering folks do after you are dead and gone; I mean the kind of memory that lingers after you leave a room. What would you like to be known for? I have asked this question of friends and of possible suitors (okay, I’m getting old,) and I’m always amazed by the answers. Folks tend to pause; giving the question just enough thought to find their meaning and then suddenly they see their answer.

“I’d like to be known as a classy guy.” One man told me. I waited for something more and when it didn’t come, I asked, if that was all. He said that was all, he wanted to be seen as that classy guy from the old movies. Another man once told me that he just wanted to be known as a nice guy. I thought that this was sweet but still wondered if this was all that folks aspire to.

I spent a week asking this question and learned that the answer was not something we tend to give much thought; as a result we don’t give it much practice.

We spend a great deal of our lives seeking to impress others. My mother used to say, “Folks who need to be impressed haven’t done anything impressive.” Instead of trying to impress others, why not seek to inspire them?

I began to look for my own answer and found that my desire was to have my presence felt as someone who inspired others to do for someone else. I’d really like it if when I left a room, people suddenly felt inspired to touch someone else’s life but didn’t even know why. I want to live my life so well, that when I die everyone I’ve known or touched suddenly feels compelled to do for someone else.

What do you want to be known for? What are you known for now? When you leave a room do people sigh in relief or do they smile with the joy of knowing that they have been touched?

How do children think of you? Do they see you as helpful, funny, wise or oddly inappropriate? Do you inspire them to be better or do you criticize them leaving them feeling less than themselves?

Today, imagine that a part of you stays behind observing what others feel about you. What do you inspire? Begin to practice the legacy you are leaving.

Be you, be well, Be the impression.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book and Year to Wellness and start your journey today

photo by Ashley Lee--critical care nurse

Day 51 of Your Year to Wellness; Understanding Your Season

From my friend Patricia's backyard in Park Cities, Utah

For Every Season

There is a time and season for all things but we must also understand that our lives have a season too.

I live in Savannah Georgia and this year has been particularly warm. It’s February and we’ve had temperatures in the high 70s. People have been happy with this weather but I feel differently about it. My reason for this feeling came from a lesson taught to me by an Oklahoma farmer turned limo driver.

Several years ago while working in Oklahoma I landed to a warm winter day. I commented to my driver that he must be happy with the weather. I heard the brakes before I felt the sudden stop of the town car. The driver pulled over and told me a thing or two.

“Little lady,” he said. I knew I was in for a good old fashioned talking to, “Every farmer worth his crop knows that you need at least two harsh weeks of winter or every pest around is gone’ eat what you done planted.”

Wow, I thought to myself, this guy is a philosopher and a driver. He went on to tell me that the winter had been unseasonably warm and that a freeze was necessary to kill off the pests before time for harvest.

I apologized for my ignorance and he apologized for scaring me. As we drove to my hotel, he continued to school me on the seasons of harvest.

I am no longer happy about a hot winter because I know that our sand gnats will be the same size of the hummingbirds.

I have also come to see that our lives also go through a seasonal cycle. We must plant at the proper time and hibernate when necessary. Summer is not a time to play, but a time of canning and preparing for winter, which, as I have learned is necessary for ever life. Yes, winter makes us grateful for spring, but more importantly, it freezes off the unseen issues which grow right next to our harvest hoping to destroy it.

Because I spent so much of my life on an academic calendar, I still live and move as if the year begins in September. My time of harvest is not the same as that of another but it coincides with the calendar of my household.

Understanding your season will enable you to recognize the seasons of another. Are you in spring when your husband is in his winter? (Yeah, I know, lots to think about.)

When you begin to understand your own season, you can plan for the natural cycles that occur.

I’d love to go on with this but I have one of those early flights and you have work to do. Today, look at your life and think about the following:

·         When do you feel like your year begins?

·         What is the purpose of each season? (Even when I lived in San Diego, I could feel the impact of the seasons.)

·         Do you maximize the seasons of your life? Do you plant in the right time and wait for the harvest or do you become impatient and destroy the crop?

·         Recall a harsh winter in your life. What lesson did it yield?

·         Thank a farmer

We have become a nation of weather watchers, but we have no understanding of the seasons of our lives. Learn your season and live your life.

Be you, be present, be in season.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Order the book a Year to Wellness and start your journey NOW

Day 50 of Your year to Wellness; Time to Move

The Time to Move

When we first started out on this journey, I told you that wellness is not just about the body; it is the realignment of the spirit mind and body.

It is proclaimed in 1Timothy in the Bible that bodily exercise profits little, but that Godliness is profitable in all things. Godliness, or Holiness, which comes from the word Hal, means health, happiness and wholeness.

I grew up in a Pentecostal church. The members of the church didn’t put a lot of faith in exercise. They took a great deal of pride in the fact that we did not dance, bowl, swim or do anything that required moving the body in a “sinful” manner. (I know, I’m laughing with you.) But if we are to be whole and complete, we must recognize the harmony between the spirit, mind and body.

When we realize that we do not have a soul; that instead we are a soul living in a body, we can see the reason not to put too much emphasis on the body alone. However, our body is the temple in which we dwell and we must maintain it with proper exercise.

The real question is what is proper. I will tell you right now that I have engaged in practically every form of exercise. In fact, when I was in graduate school, I was a gym rat and hung out with body builders and power lifters (another story for another time.)

We have all bought those exercise programs that show the amazing before and after pictures of fat folks turned fit. Those DVDs are now most likely somewhere in the back of a closet where you don’t ever have to see them again.

When I talk about exercise, I'm talking about healthy movement. Throughout my wellness program I’ve learned that too much exercise really does profit little, but the right amount adds life.

Let’s get to it, here’s what you need to know.

·         You gotta move. Sitting does more damage to the body than french fries. Every joint was designed for movement. When we fail to do move we are doing damage to the body. Roll your ankles and wrist. Move your waist even when you sit. You must move.

·         What do you like? When finding an exercise pick something you enjoy. If you don’t you won’t want to do it regularly.

·         Good exercise is like anything that’s good; do it to hard or too long and it’s no longer good.

·         Gradually work up to your potential. The problem with most exercise programs is that they assume that the participant is already fit. Start at home with something you enjoy.

·         You are your own gym. Become familiar with the equipment and use it regularly.

Your body is your temple and you have to move it to maintain it.

Be you, be well, be moving.

Bertice Berry, PhD

Order the Book a Year to Wellness and Start your journey today