Are You Stuck?

Are You Stuck?

It’s often easy to get stuck in a situation, mood, state, place, relationship or just plain old stuck.

Getting stuck is easy, getting unstuck is a completely different thing.

I’m going to keep this simple because I have a great deal of unsticking to do myself. Moving forward is like everything else; you have to do it in small bites, all day, everyday.

Like the song says, “Put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking out the door.”

That’s it. I’m keeping it simple, easy and doable.

Be you, be well, be moving.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Forgive Me

Forgive Me

Saying “Forgive me,” is not always the easiest thing to do, and yet it is.

When I wrote my first novel, Redemption Song, I wrote with the intention of telling the story of those who’d had no voice. It was a story about slavery, love and redemption. It is still one of my favorites, and also one of my greatest errors.

In Redemption Song, I used the name of the man who own the land that my family lived on during slavery. I used his name as the name of the evil slave owner. It sounded like a good idea at the time.

When my mother read the book, however, she told me that she loved it, but that I had made a big mistake. According to her, John Hunn had been a good man, and my ancestors were not his slaves.

Still, I didn’t believe her. My mother and I had had a rocky road and she had told me too many other things; things that no child should hear, believe or remember.

Years later, as my mother lay dying in a hospital, I heard the television behind her and there it was; her redemption and truth; John Hunn had not been a slave owner, he was an abolitionist.

I began to find documents and information that had not been available to me prior to my writing of Redemption Song and learned that mother had been so right.

I began writing a new book, The Ties That Bind, and in it, I told the story of my family and its connection to the southern-most conductor on the Underground Railroad. I also told the story of my mother; a story that I did not learn until her passing; for as John Hunn had destroyed his journals, my mother had been writing journals for me to be read after her passing.

It was only then that I learned her struggle and discovered why she had been as she was.

Before her passing, my mother had transformed, she had become the kind of mother every woman wants; she did it by simply saying “Forgive me.”

As I grow older and am experiencing just a little of what she felt, I too must say forgive me.

I say it to my ancestors, my children and myself.

As difficult as it may seem, it is so much easier than holding the bag.

Today, a piece will air on CBN that tells our story. Here’s a link for you to find it now. http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2015/February/Slavery-Not-as-Black-and-White-as-History-Reports/

I love you, forgive me.

Bertice Berry, PhD

Be True To You

Be True to You

I went out early to get my veggies and fruits for the next few days of juice (I only purchase a few days at a time so everything remains fresh.) Our local Farmer’s Market was closed, so I went to one of our grocery stores; one that’s filled with fresh veggies and the friendly faces of the folks who stock them.

I got what I needed and wanted, which is the combination that makes life grand, and I went to the only register that was open. It was before eight and the store was not yet busy.

I greeted the cashier with the joy I was feeling but I got no reply. So I looked directly at the young male cashier and said "good morning,” but I was just given a cold stare.

I wanted to say something but then I remembered something else; that no matter what anyone else is doing, you must always remain true to yourself.

The clerk finally spoke, but only to ask about the “orange root thing” in my groceries. I told him that it was turmeric and he corrected my pronunciation. He could not find the key code, so I asked the manager who happened to be nearby.

The cashier then had a hard time remembering the number he had just been given, so I repeated it for him and he told me that he already knew.

He was about to put my change on the counter, but I smiled broadly and held both hands open to him. He put the money in my hand and quickly turned to the gentleman behind me.

“Good morning sir,” the cashier said smiling to the man next to me. I was gathering my things and putting my change in the right compartment when suddenly, the cashier turned back to me and said, “Did you need anything else?”

I smiled and said no and he actually asked why I was still there. I laughed out loud and told him to have a wonderful day.

As I went back to my car (without stopping to tell the manager that the young man had a problem; she would find out soon enough,) I began to sing a song that I had written for times like that one. It’s about not worrying about anyone else’s stuff.

You see, I don’t know what that young man was dealing with, but his attitude and behavior towards me had nothing to do with me. I know that I had not done nor said anything to cause him to behave the way he had, so his action towards me was not about me.

I have given myself permission to remain true to my own joy, no matter what comes my way.

When I do, I see my ancestors, who in the face of so much more, remained dignified and hopeful that my today would be a reality.

Be true to you.

See joy in the everyday chores.

Actually count your blessings and sing about them.

Show kindness to everyone even when it’s not returned.

Celebrate more, complain less.

Be thankful for those who are kind.

Smile.

Be you, be true, be happy.

Bertice Berry, PhD

Making the Most of Every Moment

Making the Most of Every Moment

Speedy died. Speedy is my 22 year old daughter’s guinea pig. My daughter called out for me and came into my arms crying. I couldn’t understand anything she was saying and for a split second, I feared the worse; that one of my other children had been in a terrible accident.

When I realized that she was crying for her guinea pig I was relieved; my daughter however, was not.

She sobbed uncontrollably and I asked her what pained her the most. My daughter looked at me and said, “I should have held him more.”

Well, now I cried and together we found the secret that the Secret meant to reveal; that if you want an abundant life you must make the most of your life. You must hold it more.

So, I want you to embrace your life, your loved ones; pets and all. Embrace every moment that you have. Cherish them and hold on to them more deeply, more often, more-more.

End every call, email and text with a word of appreciation, respect and love.

When you hug someone or something, hold on a little longer.

Smile bigger and let that smile remain.

Laugh harder, louder and more boldly.

Sing even when you can’t.

Sit and stare at nothing until something comes to mind.

Go around your home or office and touch the furnishings---give thanks for those who made, sale and use them. (This was one of my mother’s practices. She’d cry out hallelujah ---you can do it too, but maybe not at the office.)

Look at yourself and be grateful for all that you are and can be.

Be you, be well, be the moment.

Oh yeah and I love you.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

The Power of Gratitude

The Astonishing Power of Gratitude

I’ve written about gratitude many times before, and I hope to keep on keeping on.

Gratitude should have been a verb. Maybe then we would come to fully understand the power it has over any transaction.

“Today, I’ll be gradituding for my parents,” or “Yesterday, I went to gratitude at the homeless shelter.”

If we understood that by simply giving thanks for what is and will be, then we could see that we are sending out a message to the Universe that what we truly appreciate is what we’d like to create in the world around us.

Gratitude is powerful.

In it and through it we find the key for unlocking our purpose and potential.

I’d like you to spend the day in gratitude, or gradituding.

Give thanks for your family, your home, your looks, your friends, your children and all children. Give thanks for the elders and the elderly, thanks for all teachers and health care providers. Be thankful for those whose minds have captured the ideas that we text, tweet, write and imagine with. Give thanks for the soldier, the salesperson, the doctor, and Indian Chief. While you’re at it, give thanks for the entire race of folks who cradled this land, and for those who literally slaved in the sun and fields and left us a legacy we fail to be grateful for. Give thanks for your parents and for the wisdom bearers, for the writers whose hearts are wrenched open every time they pick up a pen. Give thanks for water and sustenance, for cooks and all who feed you in body and soul; for ministers and nuns, for ambassadors and words, for the languages we speak. Give thanks for thought and the ability to think, for reading and writing and counting and such. Give thanks for the furniture and the animals and the ones we call pets. Give thanks for flowers and artists and all who create, for the trash collector and the inventor of things.

Give thanks for love. And as you think on all of this, realize that the list should and could be much longer and yet we have failed to do the simplest and yet most powerful thing when we forget to give thanks.

Be you, be well, be gratituding.

Bertice Berry, PhD.



Gratituding for these shoes

Balancing the Golden Rule

Balancing the Golden Rule

Pushing through could actually be my middle name. It’s what I do. No matter how exhausted, weary or injured, I will push through to make sure that I do my best at whatever it is that I’ve set out to do.

In the past, I never imagined that pushing through was not always the wisest thing. In my head and my heart, pushing through was not only the right thing to do; it was the righteous thing to do.

In 25 years of working, writing, lecturing, I have never canceled an event and have only had to reschedule a few. Not even a flight delay or cancelation can cause me to miss an event. I will simply fly as close as possible and then drive the rest of the way. (Once my manager Jeanine and I had to fly from California and then drive through the Tennessee Mountains in the middle of the night. We arrived just in time to hear my introduction. Afterwards, people actually cried and thanked us for the extra effort we made to get there.)

I often feel that folks don’t put in enough effort; they surely don’t give any extra. I’m amazed at how quickly people will give up on their own dreams.

Pushing through has been so much a part of my existence that I could not see any other way. I’ve worked through gall bladder attacks, a concussion, broken hand, pre- and post-op foot surgery. (My last 5 years have been my Calamity Jane years.)

Last week though, when I had to fly to Delaware to be a part of a documentary, something was off. I could not get myself up and I knew that I had to move. I catch early flights because they have a greater probability of no delays and there are more options if there is one.

I changed my flight to give myself another hour but still did not feel quite right. I took a second shower, got packed and dressed and walked to the front door.

When my daughter came to see me off she took one look and me and said, “Mom, you’re really sick.” She touch my forehead and told me that I was burning up. I gave my classic line about “Just pushing through.”

My daughter took the role of guardian and asked a most important question, “If this was me, what would you tell me to do?”

She had me. In that moment, I realized that my standards for others were not the same as those that I had for myself. I had gotten the Golden Rule so backwards. I treated others, everyone, the way I would want to be treated, but I hadn’t bothered to treat myself that way.

WOW!

As I turned to go back to my bedroom, everything started spinning and I actually felt the severity of my illness.

It tuned out that I had a monster of a stomach flu and needed to be in bed for several days.

I’m just going to put this right out there for you to ponder:

What have you done for you lately?

Do you push through even when you need to pull back?

Is your Golden Rule balanced?

These questions are for those who keep going when they know they should slow down. You all know who you are, especially my brother whose name rhymes with Berry Bee.

Those of us who maintain standards have to be around to teach them to others.

So

Be you be well, be wise.

Bertice Berry, PhD.

Getting What You Want

Getting What You Want

Hello boys and girls. It’s been a while since I’ve written in this space. I’ve been doing some things, cleaning some things, moving some things.

In the process of my de-cluttering, I stumbled upon an old writing I had hidden away in a book. (Was it Malcom or Martin who said “If you want to hide something, put it in a book?” I think it was Malcom---)

At the top of the found page I had written Gratitude/Ingratitude.

 I smiled at my very familiar scribble. I have a way of writing extremely small on the back of something that I’ve recycled. Back when I was a graduate student and couldn’t afford paper, I would strive to get as much as I could on whatever I found.

Even now with paper and space, I write the same way, dropping in French, Spanish and even Korean words that I’m trying to add to the languages I don’t practice enough.

I read my own words and was blessed by the lesson I share with you now.

Imagine two doors. Each are closed but one door leads to despair, anger, frustration, hurt, loneliness, pain, and lack, while the other door serves as an entry point for happiness, joy, clarity, fulfillment, peace and abundance.

In any situation, at any time, you can choose either door.

I got a call from an old boyfriend. He told me how much he missed me. At first, I was angry. I wondered why it had taken him so long to feel this way. I remembered my two doors and realized that I had chosen the one leading to anger. If I had continued in my thoughts, I would have begun to feel lonely, unhappy and unsatisfied, believing that I had failed in love.

I quickly closed the door and opened the second; the door of gratitude.

Then I was happy for the call. Although I had no desire to revisit the relationship with him, nor did I want to start a new one, I was able to express my appreciation for our time together. He went on to tell me how wonderful I am and that even though he had missed out, he was grateful for what I'd taught him and for the love we share.

When I controlled my choice between gratitude and ingratitude I controlled my outcome. What could have been anger and resentment became clarity and joy.

I reread my words and wondered when I had written them. (Head injuries are not for everybody.)

I started to feel frustrated with my failure to remember and I knew that I had not chosen the right door, so I told myself thank you for the lesson and a feeling of joy came flooding in.

In this New Year decide and chose your outcomes. You can have pain and unhappiness, insecurity and loneness or you can have clarity, peace, joy and fulfillment.

I’m not here to tell you which door to pick, I’m just here to say how grateful I am that you chose to spend a moment with me.

Thank you, I love you.

Be You, Be Well, Be Grateful

Bertice Berry, PhD.